So, today, the Salt Lake County attorney dropped all charges against the two gay men who were roughed up, and cited by Salt Lake City police for “trespassing.” What they really did, according to the LDS Church, was fondle each other, grope, be pretty damn lewd and, oh yes, they were DRUNK, too! There was this KISS, which according to the two men was on the cheek, but the Mormons made it sound like the two made a porn movie in Little Hinckleyville, or whatever it is they are calling the former MAIN STREET of SALT LAKE CITY these days.

From a story on the ABC 4 Web site, posted before the decision today:

SALT LAKE CITY (ABC 4 News) - Matt Aune and Derek Jones claim they were assaulted by security guards outside the Salt Lake City Temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. “Their disgust with us was clear,” says Aune.

“We were actually side-by-side and Matt stepped in, gave me a hug and kissed me on the face,” says Jones. Both men say it happened Thursday night when they were walking downtown and cut through church property near Main Street. They say they were assaulted when LDS Church security told them to leave, but they refused and asked why.

“The next thing we know, I’m being forced onto the ground on my stomach, my face is on the pavement, they handcuffed me and they grab Matt and try to get him into handcuffs,” says Jones. “This is from handcuffs? Uh huh, yes,” says Aune. “And some marks here on this arm as well. But they weren’t the police so they had no business restraining us.”

A spokesperson for the LDS Church issued a statement to ABC 4. “Two individuals came on Church property and were politely asked to stop engaging in inappropriate behavior – just as any other couple would have been. They became argumentative and used profanity and refused to leave the property. They were arrested and then given a citation for criminal trespass by SLPD.”

Both men say they’re aware the Church owns the property that was once public. But since 2003, the Church has the authority to ask anyone to leave for any reason.

“We weren’t doing anything lewd, just anything any other couple would do, which I have seen on that easement before,” says Jones.

An ABC 4 camera captured other couples holding hands and even one sharing a brief kiss near the property that Aune and Jones say they’re now banned from for six months. “It was ridiculous, we were walking home. We weren’t hanging out, not loitering. We weren’t even admiring the sites, we were just going home,” says Jones.

Both were released from custody by Salt Lake City Police who were called to the scene. They were each cited with a Class C misdemeanor which is the lowest possible charge. A police spokesperson says it is punishable with a fine.

Yeah. Sure, it was just because they were KISSING. No one has EVER kissed there before, or say, TAKEN WEDDING PICTURES that featured HETEROSEXUAL KISSES? Yeah. Uh huh. Oddly enough, in the videotape taken by Church security, you can see the two men being strong-armed, cuffed, roughed up, but there is NO sign of the lewdness, groping, or even the KISS. Funny how that happens….

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This story really tickled my funny-bone, although it could have been really dangerous. I suppose I could tell stories of things I would do to get out of church, because I damn sure did them, but most of them involved fake illnesses and painful cramps, and when I got older, oddly enough, my bosses ALWAYS made me work on Sundays! Darnit all to heck.

But this kid takes the cake. From the Standard Examiner.

PLAIN CITY — Maybe he also missed the day the sermon covered the Eighth Commandment: Thou shalt not steal.

A 7-year-old boy led officers on a car chase Sunday through Weber County in an attempt to avoid going to church, authorities say.

“Most kids fake illness,” said Weber County Sheriff’s Capt. Klint Anderson. “They don’t take the car out and go joy riding.”

Dispatchers received reports of a child driving a vehicle recklessly near 4100 West and 1975 North around 9 a.m.

The motorist who called in the complaint followed the child and witnessed the boy drive through a stop sign at 4700 West, Anderson said.

Two deputies caught up with the boy a few blocks away and attempted to stop the car, but the child kept driving, Anderson said.

The boy drove through a parking lot, then went south on 4700 West before driving the family’s white Dodge Intrepid into a driveway on the 5000 block of 1500 North. The driver reached 40 mph and ran stop signs along the way, Anderson said.

The boy reportedly entered the home through the garage and ran upstairs. When deputies questioned the child’s father, he told them he had no idea his son had taken the car.

“They had to explain to him they had chased his car,” Anderson said.

“The father confronted the kid, and the boy straight-up admitted he had driven it. When asked why he took the car, he said he didn’t want to go to church.”

The boy’s father was told to make sure his car keys are kept where they are not accessible to children, and the child was lectured about the dangers of taking a vehicle out on the road, but authorities cannot do much else.

Police would not identify the family, as there would be no citations issued.

Anderson said the boy is too young to prosecute and that the boy’s father won’t be cited because he was unaware his son had taken his car.

For a 7-year-old, his driving wasn’t too bad, Anderson said.

“He had a few near misses, but he didn’t hit anything or crash.”

Let’s hope this doesn’t become a trend for young rebellious Mormons. Or Sundays, which are currently the safest day to be on the road in Utah, are gonna get a WHOLE lot more dangerous…