Devil worshipping dentists…
Got your attention, didn’t I? The truth is, the dentist who has been attending to my recalcitrant teeth is NOT a devil-worshipper, but his clan falls somewhere between completely OBSESSED with Mormonism, and just nicely conservative. It’s the most Mormon dentist office I have ever been to, and considering where I live, that’s saying a LOT.
The problem with this young (affordable) dentist–besides the fact that he seems to think nitrous oxide is of the devil, and doesn’t understand that there is not better way to make girls happy, at least in the dental chair–is that HIS chair is right next to the room in which some other family member (it’s a family-owned dentist office) works. And THIS particular dentist is rather ardent about his Mormonism. I’ve been there FIVE times and every time this other guy has intoned on and on about Mormon topics. From the other room, nitrous-oxide FREE, I hear, “And then, Oliver Cowdery walked down the hall…” or “And the temple was so lit up….” or “Joseph Smith was not a fan of those…”
Joseph Smith was not a fan of those WHAT? Shoes? Legal husbands of the women he wanted to marry? Jazz basketball players? I’m just curious here folks.
These conversations are like, “yada yada yada GORDON B. HINCKLEY yada yada yada.”
And from the chair you hear, “wra wronk, wwrak wronk ro ronk.” Because let’s face it, the person in the CHAIR is at Mormon dentist’s mercy! They could be saying “Get me the fuck out of here,” and he would hear it as, “You are completely right. The Mormon Church is true. Can I be baptized now?”
The third time I was in “the chair” I decided that I was glad Young Mormon Dentist didn’t like nitrous. I was afraid if I gave in to the urge, I’d wake up in Jesus Jammies, canning zucchini for the winter, and leading the choir every Sunday.
Thank God the crown is on. One down, two to go…. I might be Mormon again yet. My mother would be so happy…
April 3rd, 2009 at 10:24 am
Our family dentist is the same way! I think Mormons flock to dentistry, because many Mormons have good teeth (Osmonds anyone?). Yes, I’m being stereotypical, but my daughter had a dental emergency and broke her front tooth in half last year. It was a Sunday (argg) but we called the dentist anyway and he came in (thankyouthankyouthankyou) but instead of turning on the cute Disney videos they usually play to distract an uneasy patient, he kept the TVs in the ceiling OFF and turn the Mormon Tabernacle Choir ON. WTF? I guess that made it okay for him to work on Sunday. Beggars can’t be choosers, I guess.
April 4th, 2009 at 10:45 am
My former dentist is Mormon - my new dentist is Seventh Day Adventist - thank heavens he just tells bad “Holiday Inn Express” jokes.
April 4th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
lol my mother’s dentist is a Mormon. Early twenties with six kids, my mom was surprised and shocked until I explained that it’s really par the course especially for a Utah Mormon.
April 4th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Ultradent; very large dental equipment supply company in Draper, owned and run by an X polygamist with many wives and scores of children. Dr. Fisher rejected Polygamy late in life, and now heads a charitable foundation dealing with the “Lost Boys” ejected from Polygamous cultures in Short Creek, Southern Utah and Arizona. His daughter and a few sons are practicing dentists.
He is a very good man.
April 6th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
LMAO! How I have missed your blog. *sigh* It’s good to be back. Best of luck to you on the rest of your dental work. I’ll be sending nitrous oxide thoughts your way!
April 7th, 2009 at 6:56 am
I don’t enjoy going to my Mormon dentist/orthodontist, even though they know my mouth better than anyone else, because they’ll talk about church-related crap when my mouth is full and can’t object. I’m also afraid that if I said, “Sorry, but I left that church a long time ago,” he would take off the gloves and say, “You know, that tooth is fine. See ya.”
April 14th, 2009 at 3:45 am
dearest natalie
i just read some of your amazing posts and have decided to communicate with you, if you want that is!
well im from a place called Goa in India and the missionaries have come to my door.
i would love to fill you in on any detail you want, to keep you updated on how things are all around the world .
i’d however suggest you email me at myameddleswitcha@gmail.com
i love what ur doing and dont want to go down the wrong road
i look forward to any question you might hav about the missionary work in india
sincerely
natasha
April 15th, 2009 at 11:07 am
My hunk of a dentist noticed that I get really tense, like white finger lock-down on the arms of the chair kind of tense, on my very first visit - so he prescribed valium. The gas stuff makes me feel too weird: aware, but blissfully noncaring - kind of like being a Mormon. That just doesn’t work for me. Hunky dentist advised to take a valium a half hour before my next appointment. He also advised having a ride drop me off and pick me up. He sent me home so I could get the prescription filled.
I’m afraid that if I had a Mormon dentist who intoned any kind of bullshit while his fingers were in my mouth?… He better have really good insurance for missing digits.
Nom nom nom.
April 15th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Thank you Sideon - for your link to Susan Boyle’s performance. Brought tears to my eyes, and brightened my life.
For those who haven’t watched this YouTube clip, it is a treasure.
YouTube - Susan Boyle, Britain’s Have Talent.
April 19th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
Natalie,
Thank you for this delightful blog! I spent all weekend reading the archives. It was quite cathartic, I must say. As a person who left the church mentally more than 20 years ago, I had no idea that the church got great orders of magnitude nuttier after I had stopped paying attention to it.
April 20th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
The dentist I go to is directly across the street from the Houston temple. I can sit in the chair, lean back and proselyte to the assistant cleaning my teeth all while watching Moroni blow his trumpet towards the East.
It’s amazing!
As painful as it is, I gotta agree with Kirk: Susan Boyle’s performance was amazing.
Cheers!
Todd
May 26th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
LOL! Hilarious post!
I had to ask my Mormon dentist for a prescription for pain meds. . . and this was after I told him I had to bump my appointment up because the pain was so unbearable. . . “will the pain stop now that you “fixed” my tooth”, I asked. “It should, if it doesn’t go away in a couple of weeks call back.” . . . let me reiterate now. . . I had to ASK for pain meds that even then he was reluctant about giving me!