Archive for November, 2007


The key to power is clean laundry

Tuesday, November 20th, 2007

In LDS General Conference last month, Relief Society President Julie Beck gave a talk, entitled MOTHERS WHO KNOW, that set the Mormon world a spinning. There have been some female strides inside the intense patriarchy known as Mormonism, but it’s always been a two-steps-forward, six-steps-back kind of progress.

After all, women cannot hold the “Sacred” priesthood. This “power” alone rules and runs the Church. Everyone knows this. But some Mormon woman continue to convince themselves that they hold their own “power,” and that the Church is listening to them, and valuing them as human beings who have something important to give to society besides a garbage dump full of disposable diapers.

Wrongo. I think we need an exorcism, because Beck seems to be channeling Boyd K. Packer, or some of the other ancient Mormons apostles (I know, I know, they are ALL ancient, but you know what I mean).

I practically expect to see Beck’s head spin around and watch her spew perfectly simmered and seasoned pea soup at the next General Conference. There can be no other explanation for this speech, unless it’s a time warp.

Key points from Beck’s speech include:

Mothers Who Know Bear Children

Mothers who know desire to bear children.

Well, HELLO, duh? If they don’t BEAR children, they aren’t MOTHERS. This makes no sense at all. What kind of crap is this? Being female alone does not make you a mother. Did she even THINK about this before she wrote it? And what about those who CAN’T bear children? Let’s just rub the salt in the old wound again, shall we?

Mothers Who Know Honor Sacred Ordinances and Covenants

Mothers who know honor sacred ordinances and covenants. I have visited sacrament meetings in some of the poorest places on the earth where mothers have dressed with great care in their Sunday best despite walking for miles on dusty streets and using worn-out public transportation. They bring daughters in clean and ironed dresses with hair brushed to perfection; their sons wear white shirts and ties and have missionary haircuts. These mothers know they are going to sacrament meeting, where covenants are renewed. These mothers have made and honor temple covenants. They know that if they are not pointing their children to the temple, they are not pointing them toward desired eternal goals. These mothers have influence and power.

What the HELL does dressing your children up have to do with the temple? This makes no sense. The connection is not there. This is influence and power? How? Better do some ’splaining, Julie, because your talk is not only disjointed and nonsensical, but your making some PRETTY BIG leaps here.

Mothers Who Know Are Nurturers

Mothers who know are nurturers. This is their special assignment and role under the plan of happiness.5 To nurture means to cultivate, care for, and make grow. Therefore, mothers who know create a climate for spiritual and temporal growth in their homes. Another word for nurturing is homemaking. Homemaking includes cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping an orderly home. Home is where women have the most power and influence; therefore, Latter-day Saint women should be the best homemakers in the world.

Okay, Sister Beck, now you are REALLY starting to irritate me. You are taking HUGE liberties with the meaning of the word NURTURE. The dictionary says:

1. to feed and protect: to nurture one’s offspring.
2. to support and encourage, as during the period of training or development; foster: to nurture promising musicians.
3. to bring up; train; educate.
–noun
4. rearing, upbringing, training, education, or the like.
5. development: the nurture of young artists.
6. something that nourishes; nourishment; food.

It doesn’t say ONE word about keeping an orderly home. Nor does it say to “nurture” is female. Men should, and in many cases are, just as involved in the upbringing of their children. I say we call an exorcist and try to get BOYD K. PACKER back where he belongs.

There are more than a few other key points, but they were kinda boring. I included a link to the talk itself, so feel free to go immerse yourself in the propaganda and brainwashing.

There are more than a few LDS women up in arms over this talk, and rightly so. Except I’m not sure what they expected. After all, the roles in Mormonism are, and always have been, very clearly defined. Women have a place. It is by the side of their “priesthood bearing” husband, and only THROUGH him can they achieve the highest of God’s kingdoms. If he ain’t there to call your name, and pull you through the veil, then you are NOT getting through.

This alone is the perfect example of what Mormons REALLY believe and teach. For no MAN needs a woman to get him into the Celestial Kingdom. But women? Not the same rules.

Apparently, the current atmosphere of sexual equality has someone in the LDS hierarchy disturbed, and thus, they set Sister Beck about RIGHTING things, and making sure that women known just exactly what their place is.

It’s interesting to see the reaction from around the Bloggernacle. For example:

From Feminist Mormon Housewives:

So, as Mormon women, how do we approach a talk like Beck’s? Is “in one ear and out the other” okay? Would it be inappropriate to respond directly, write her a letter listing in detail the things I find flawed and disappointing in her approach, or is that not sustaining my leaders? Almost worse than my annoyance and dismissal is the (unnecessary) guilt and shame I think my orthodox friends probably took right to heart.

The thing is, I want to sustain Beck, I don’t want to bash her, but there is no way that I can believe that “keeping our homes as tidy as the temple” or “being the best homemakers in the world” are the vital lessons that will bring myself and my family closer to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Shesh.

I’m curious to know if faithful but progressive Mormon women really thought that things were changing? I would love to hear some comments from them.

Comments that don’t start with, “U r really stoopid,” that is. Those usually come from young Mormon males, actually.

I personally found her comments ridiculous, and her talk poorly thought out. There were huge leaps of logic, and it did not tie together well. If anything, the masses should be in an uproar because she obviously needs some laying on of hands or something, so she can become as eloquent and well-spoken as… Oh wait. There aren’t many Mormon women known for that, now are there? In fact, you don’t hear much from women at all. Especially during conference. Why is that? Oh YEAH. Patriarchy. Always has been. Nothing new, people. I don’t see what the furor is all about.

Zaniness Behind the Zion Curtain….

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

So, you wanna live next to an Apostle? Some realtor thinks you will…. Nice house. Don’t know which apostle, but the realtor’s name is PAUL. Get it? Apostle Paul? Never mind.

How about this one? Semi-nekkid missionaries on a calendar. NO, really. I am so not lying. The FAQ for Mormons Exposed: Men on a Mission, says:

Q: What is Mormons Exposed?

A: Mormons Exposed is a new brand launching a forward-thinking product - a steamy 2008 calendar featuring twelve handsome former Mormon missionaries who have dared to pose bare-chested in the first-ever Men on a Mission calendar. Usually seen riding their bicycles and preaching door-to-door, the calendar celebrates these missionaries’ great looks and beautiful bodies, as well as the amazing stories of service of these deeply spiritual men.

The pictures are actually pretty innocent, although I would think the HIGHER UPS at Church HQ would frown at the mishies minus their Jesus Jammies, “baring” their testimonies. My personal opinion is a group of wanna-be actors and models with Mormon roots got together and decided to create some controversy and get themselves noticed. More power to them.

This struck me as funny, though.

A: Having come from a sixth-generation Mormon family, lived in Utah for 8 years, and served a 2-year religious mission himself, Chad Hardy, the producer and co-founder of Mormons Exposed, has an in-depth understanding of the LDS church and its devotees. Since the veil surrounding the Mormon religion can be difficult for outsiders to permeate or to understand, the humor of the calendar is intended to help debunk common misperceptions and dispel some myths about the Mormon religion - encouraging people of every belief system to be more tolerant of one another.

Uh, Chad? I’d say you missed a few Sunday school lessons, and maybe were hanging out behind the Church smoking a doobie or something. An in-depth understanding my ass. If you thought they were saying STRIPPING WARRIORS, I just want to clarify it was STRIPLING warriors. See the L there? STRIP-ling, not STRIP-ping

Utah’s a funny place…..

Contest for All: Everybody Needs a Crime Basket….

Sunday, November 11th, 2007

Over at murdershewrites.com, Allison Brennan is kicking off a brand new “promotion contest” type year with three crime baskets. Yeah, we’re early. It’s still 2007. But we all like to do things our own way. That’s how the MSW ladies are. All you have to do to be entered to win is comment on the MSW blog, ww.murdershewrites.com. The contest doesn’t begin until tomorrow, Monday, November 12, so don’t get ahead of yourself.

What can you win, you ask?

CRIME BASKET NUMBER ONE . . .
1) Signed Advanced Reading Copy of KILLING FEAR (on sale 1/29/08) written by Allison Brennan.
2) BOBBIE FAYE’S VERY (very, very, very) BAD DAY by Toni McGee Causey.
3) Special customized $20 Starbucks Gift Card.
4) DVD complete season of your choice: HEROES Season One; CSI Season Seven;
Numb3rs Season Three; or Supernatural Season one or two.

CRIME BASKET NUMBER TWO . . .

1) Complete set of Allison’s signed backlist (all six books).
2) Early copy of WHAT YOU CAN’T SEE, the anthology with Roxanne St. Claire and
Karin Tabke and Allison.
3) Special customized $20 Starbucks Gift Gard.
4) A murder mystery game to play with your friends!
5) $25 Barnes & Noble Gift Card

CRIME BASKET NUMBER THREE . . .

1) $25 Barnes & Noble Gift Card
2) A package of FIVE debut novels from the Killer Year folks, including BOBBIE
FAYE
3) Six Shari’s Berries Chocolate Covered Strawberries (Shipped separately.)

This contest will run through midnight Wednesday, December 12, 2007.

So head on over, and read. And comment. And read some more.

Vampires are NOT Faith promoting….

Saturday, November 10th, 2007

So when I found out that phenomenally successful author Stephenie Meyer is a Mormon, all types of questions popped into my head. Chief among those: What is a nice Mormon girl like her doing writing about vampires?

I haven’t read any of her books, but of course, Utah is abuzz with her success, and of course, every event you go to includes a discussion of how wonderful her books are. Why am I the only person who thinks, “Mormon? Vampires??”

Stephenie’s books ARE EVEN listed on the Deseret Book Web site.

Hello? Vampires?

Don’t get it.

The Indignities of Toddlerhood

Saturday, November 10th, 2007

My fourteen-month-old niece was over visiting the other day, because her mother was at some scrapbookorgasmo event, and her father needed to go shoot some live animals. Okay, that’s a lie. The part about the live animals. I’m not sure what he was doing, but it probably involved Home Depot. Or power tools.

Back to LittleNiece. She is at the age where she thinks she can communicate with adults, but most have no idea what she is saying. For example, when I caught her in the kitchen with the nightlight that should have been in the hallway, and was instead in her sweaty little palm, she immediately conveyed to me there was a serious problem in our household.

”LittleNiece, what are you doing with that?”

“This? This jumped INTO my hands as I was walking down that dark hallway. I mean it. Right off the wall, and into my hands. I don’t know how you people live here, with objects like this nightlight refusing to stay in the electrical socket where it belongs!”

Of course, it sounded like, “Bldkbkdnsgk forldkfjdkk, andksjjkkkddd, n pidklskfjdksssss.” But I can interpret babyese. It helped me, of course, that she used a lot of hand motions, inflections and facial expressions. That’s the key to understanding babyese.

After she told me all about the strangeness of our house, and I held my hand out for the insolent nightlight, she toddled off, waving her arms and babbling about how wrong it all was.

I think she said something about George Bush and the war in Iraq, too.

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