Occasionally, I get emails accusing me of lying. Emails from angry Mormons. They refuse to believe I am TRAPPED. They think I have lied about my “Mormon” status, and they think that if someone wants to leave, it is no big deal. RIGHT. A lot of years ago (I believe it was ‘89) I sent the letter in, got ignored, got ignored, got IGNORED again, then got ignored. So I called the bishop and threatened repercussions. His children forgot to give him that message.

Finally I threatened to dance naked on his lawn. That got him going. So, my husband and I got a letter confirming we had been removed from the records, along with all kinds of nasty warnings about the “eternal consequences” of our decision. Please. Give me a break. There are no consequences.

And why not? BECAUSE THEY STILL THINK WE ARE FUCKING MORMONS. My apologies. It slipped out. Oops, I said the “F” word. I’ve been so much better lately. My bad.

Look folks, years ago I asked to be let out, they said my husband and I were no longer members, and they THREATENED us, with those eternal consequences, and then THEY PUT US BACK ON. What is the point of going through all that? This is why I say, “You can check out anytime you want, but you can never leave. ” Thanks, Eagles.

I came home tonight to a nice note from the Relief Society president, and a copy of the ward directory. Our ward GIRL leader wants to MEET with me. Hmmm. Says she has tried to meet me but I must be one BUSY LADY. Here is her note:

Hi Natalie~~I have tried several times to meet you, but you are one busy lady. I would love to get to know you & extend our love & support in whatever way you need it most!!!

Sister XXXXXXX has told me what a wonderful person you are. I will try later to say hi. Thanks, RS president (this was her name, but I’m not going to name her. )

This came with a ward directory, confirming that WE ARE MORMONS. We are all listed there. They appear to have corrected the error that had me listed TWICE, under my maiden name, with my daughter DD and a son named Robert that none of us can find. But folks? If you don’t want to be a Mormon anymore, shouldn’t you be allowed to leave?

Nope. If you are a Mormon, you are a Mormon for life. And so I have embraced this, much to the discontent of my many naysayers, those Mormon folk who think I have no right to WRITE about Mormonism. But guess what? As long as Mormonism EMBRACES me, I will EMBRACE IT. Sort of. I will tell you what I THINK about it, and they will probably tell you what THEY think. I have the right. They have the right.

Somebody pass the funeral potatoes.

So tonight, Dancing Daughter, hereinafter called DD, was hanging with her best friend from junior high. BFF is a cute girl, and we really like her. We would like to encourage this friendship, because, as I mentioned, BFF is a cute girl. Nice. Friendly. Honest. But, of course, we are not of the Mormon ilk, and BFF is. This, people, is Utah, and Mormons are in every other house. Sometimes in every house. Okay, fine. Pretty much in every house, you will find Mormons, Jack-Mormons, or ex-Mormons. This is probably a tenuous friendship, no matter what we do. As soon as BFF’s mom figures out DD is not conversion material, the alienation period will start.

While BFF’s parents are divorced, the mother is still very religious, and Mormon, and she has a thing about tank tops. In her world, girls who are not sluts do not wear them. She has bought some of the said HORRENDOUS and EVIL tank tops for her daughter, but they are to be worn under shirts with sleeves.

This is an indignity of tremendous proportions. I, myself, was forced to put shirts both UNDER and OVER tank tops. There was no tank-toppage going on in our household. And a two piece swimsuit? BLASPHEMY! I grew up dressed from head to toe, and I’m telling you, it wasn’t something I enjoyed. I come home, the bra comes off. Sorry, folks, I know, too much information, but PLEASE.

God forbid a man might have to control himself when he sees a 13-year-old girl and not immediately ravage her. No, no, we must blame the girl, and put her in shirts over tank tops. Or long shorts.

Back to the story, which, by the way, is true. Just so you know. BFF was going to a local store with my two daughters, who were both in tank tops. These are not hoochie mama tank tops. First of all, neither one has much cleavage, and second, I’m not much for the hoochie mama look. I think that children should dress like children, and tank tops are pretty much harmless. Especially the ones that have very thick straps, maybe two to four inches. Are shoulders nasty? Apparently.

So, BFF went to the store with DD, and CC, and she decided to ditch her shirt–worn over the tank top–behind a plant at her house, because my two were in tank tops, and it’s freaking 6000 degrees Farenheit in Utah right now, and so she didn’t want to wear the shirt OVER her tank top.

The consequences, as you might have guessed, were severe. Mother found the shirt hidden behind the plant. BFF was ordered to go home. DD is devastated, worried that her friend may become a “no more” kind of friend. Now, where do I stand here?

First of all, I do not dress my children in hoochie mama attire. Neither do I drape them in burkhas. If a skirt is too short, or a top too low, the children don’t leave the house wearing it. This has caused some discontent in our house, but we have standards here people. I know that if children learn hoochie mama behavior early, they will continue it throughout their lives. And if they learn good, upstanding, Mormon morals, they will also continue that… Oh wait.

The truth is, if you are a deep thinker, you will question Mormonism. And if you are a follower, you will accept and embrace it. If life scares you, and men are seen as abusers who cannot control their evil impulses, and women are seen as seducers, you will ban tank tops in your house. Mormonism, with its dictates on morality makes life easy. Or so it would seem. And yet Mormon women are raped all the time. Why?

A woman should be able to walk down the streets BUTT ASS NAKED and not be raped or molested.

RAPE IS A CRIME OF VIOLENCE AND CONTROL.

I have seen naked men before, and I have never been tempted to jump on them and rape and pillage them. Why do we make these excuses for men? I love you guys, but COME ON. The only reason TANK TOPS are a problem is because some MAN decided that the best way to control their sex drive was to dress women from head to toe, and blame women if they had to rape, because she was wearing a short skirt or a TANK TOP. Or maybe create polygamy and say God ordered them to do it, so they could multiply and replenish the earth (which needs ABSOLUTELY no replenishing), and thereby satisfy their desire to have lots and lots of sex with lots and lots of women.

I feel terrible that BFF got in trouble, but I did not encourage this behavior. Furthermore, I would say to her, or my children if asked, that she must live by her mother’s rules. No one ever died from being forced to wear shirts over tank tops, as far as I know. It sucks, kids, but it is life. I don’t take a child into my home, ever, and tell her to flaunt the rules set down by her parents.

Now, I am left wondering what the outcome will be. Does she regard MY CHILDREN as sluts, like she called her own daughter upon learning she was walking around in a tank top?

I am torn. I want to respect this mother. And I will. But, where does this end? When do we stop blaming girls for all the evils of the world, and put the blame where it belongs? On the heads of the offenders, When will the world be safe for my daughters, who will endure all types of indignities, in the name of religion, for men who cannot control their sex drives? Or who simply want to control and force submission? When will we realize polygamy has EVERYTHING to do with sex, and absolutely nothing to do with religion?

I speak to you fathers now. Does the little girl sleeping in her bed tonight DESERVE this? Does she deserve to be taught that her body is immoral, and that if she does not hide behind masses of clothing and cover, that she will tempt the devil? Does she deserve to be raped, or attacked, simply because she is female? Giving a 14-year-old child to a man in marriage is MOLESTATION. Stop excusing Joseph Smith’s crimes. Stop telling Mormon women that something is wrong with THEM because YOU cannot control yourselves. When you excuse this, you are also excusing the Taliban for their treatment of women, or the tribes in Africa that mutilate women so they cannot feel pleasure from sex.

Do you want this for your daughters? Do myth, and fallacy, and prayer mean more to you than seeing a young woman grow up, fall in love, cry, give birth, and feel heartache?

This is a crazy world. BFF had on a tank top. Somehow, it upset the order of the universe. I will never understand.

Trappee Sierra pointed out to me that in the past few days, the Catholic Church has apparently, through the Pope, claimed to have the ONLY TRUE THING. Great. Now Hinckley and the Pope are going to have to have a Holy Smackdown and prove once and for all just WHO HAS THE ONLY TRUE THING, because GOD KNOWS, having the ONLY TRUE THING is the most important concept ever evented.

I am telling you, it’s pretty obvious to me that these are both churches that are run by men, because if WOMEN were running the Catholic and Mormon Churches, they wouldn’t be making this public proclamations.

Instead, they would be spreading rumors behind the backs of both leaders. “Did you hear about Hinckley? That whole cancer thing was just a cover for the fact he got butt cheek implants.” “I heard Pope Benedict is really named Benny, and in fourth grade they called him stinky because he farted a lot.”

And then the two church leaders would be trying to outdress each other, but I think Pope Benedict has the distinct advantage because he gets those fancy white robes, and President Hinckley is stuck with suits. Maybe even suits from Mr. Mac. But hey, he could always commission Armani and that might be rather neat to see.

Hmm. I got sidetracked, yet again.

Here’s the story I found on it, and I’m sure more will follow.

Vatican to stress Catholic Church only true Church–reports”

(AFP, July 6, 2007)

Vatican City - The Vatican is about to reaffirm its claim to be the only legitimate representative of Jesus Christ on Earth, a bid likely to again draw criticism from other Christian churches, press reports said Friday.

I-Media agency which specializes in reports on the Vatican said a document outlining the Vatican position, drawn up by the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith, would be published on Tuesday.

Il Giornale newspaper said it would make clear that the Roman Catholic Church was the only and true Church of Christ.

The reaffirmation, seven years after a similar statement issued under then pope John Paul II during the Catholic Holy Year angered other Christian churches, is to fight “ecclesiological relativism” which has been condemned by his successor Benedict XVI.

Under this concept Christian churches all pertain to the same truth or are only in possession of parts of it.

At the time still cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, Benedict XVI had headed the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith which published the 2000 “Dominus Iesus” declaration.

“Dominus Iesus” had called the Protestant churches mere “ecclesial communities”.

Il Giornale said the new Vatican document would clarify a sentence of the 1962-65 Second Vatican Council which claimed that Christ’s only church lives on in the Roman Catholic Church.

All of this ONLY TRUE THING shit let me to think about a few things.

*Is it not possible to just go into a church, and praise God, without worrying if THIS PARTICULAR CHURCH has every single detail right?

*Is it possible to look at a baby’s tiny hands and not feel like somewhere, someone is doing SOMETHING right, and yet not be pressed to find out WHERE that something is being done?

*If you don’t lie, cheat, steal, murder, or covet, is it not possible to get into the Kingdom of Heaven without knowing the secret handshake?

I feel scammed by all this SHILLING that the Catholics and the Mormons are doing. Frankly, I feel scammed by religion. The biggest thing I ever got from hearing about Jesus and religion was the word LOVE. Am I the only one who picked up that message? When Jesus was washing the feet of his disciples, or hanging with the hookers, or blessing the little children, you just KNEW he loved everyone.

Where did that message get lost? I think I’ll stick to my belief that God is love, and love is God, and that is the most important tenet.

You can have your ONLY TRUE THING. I don’t need it. I have a baby niece, and I can gaze at her miraculous little fingers anytime I want.

I always enjoy recapping some of the comments I get, especially those that are obviously from Mormons. Makes me laugh. Especially when they are, uh, angry. Sorry, folks, but it’s silly fun. Like this comment from Amanda, who starts out fairly calm and then manages to work herself up into a pretty good foam by the end. I can almost see her disintegrate into crazy.

Amanda said:

Hi. I was just wondering… Have any of you ever even been to a mormon church.?Actually gone ther and investigated for yourself? I am absolutely intolerant of people who center their whole lives upon thinking what everybody else thinks just to fit in. And that’s exactly what ur doing here. some idiot started a bad reputation about mormons and that’s what linked it. A ripple affect of clueless morons like yourselves that are to lazy to find your own truth. Oh and about the mormon killing somebody. take a look at how many christians have commited murder! Or catholics, or any other religion you can think of! Yeah guess were not so Fuc*ing bad after all!!! Every one of you needs to get a life and get over yourselves1

Um, Amanda? I’ve been to more Mormon Church meetings in my life than I shall ever care to remember. I suspect I know more about the tenets, beliefs and history than you will EVER know, especially if you don’t get on some medication soon. I’m curious which “idiot” you are blaming for starting the “bad reputation” for Mormons. Joseph Smith? Brigham Young? Just curious, because you don’t name the idiot you are accusing.

As for your ripple effect, I laughed for quite a while about that one. “A ripple affect of clueless morons like yourselves that are to lazy to find your own truth.” Actually, your accusation is rather empty, since I actually bothered to RESEARCH the church. Can you claim the same? As I noted, I didn’t just walk away. I figured if I were going to say something was NOT true, I’d better be able to back it up with proof. Again, can YOU say the same?

Now, here’s the part where I really started to worry about Amanda’s mental health.

Oh and about the mormon killing somebody. take a look at how many christians have commited murder! Or catholics, or any other religion you can think of! Yeah guess were not so Fuc*ing bad after all!!! Every one of you needs to get a life and get over yourselves1

I never said ONLY Mormons kill people, Amanda. Murder is an equal-opportunity crime. I’ve always said that being Mormon doesn’t save you from anything, except nasty sunburns from too much skin showing. Okay, maybe I just made that one up today, but it works. Just a note: Mormons do NOT approve of the “F” word, even when you use an asterisk instead of a “k.” Just thought I’d point that out. And I do have a life, thank you very much. Thanks for your concern.

Then there was this comment, from Shaniqua:

You go on white girl! That’s what I’m talkin about. Get paid! Get paid!

Um, okay. I will. Thanks for the support.

Ok said:

I think it’s great that you promote your books, after all it is YOUR website. It’s also good that you have opinions on diff. religions, but have you ever considered that maybe the mormon religion isn’t so bad. Maybe, it’s the people that live that religion. After all they’re human too. Are they not allowed to have faults? I’m sure that Buddhists, Catholics, Jews, Protestants, etc. make mistakes and have followers who are bad examples, people who don’t follow the basic teachings and do what they want when they want as well!
just curious

Ok, I certainly appreciate your curiousity, but I must reiterate that I do not believe the Mormon Church even CLOSELY resembles the “truth.” There is simply too much evidence to the contrary. You can start with DNA evidence, and work your way down the list. I believe that most Mormons are good, spiritual people who are just doing their very best to get by in a crazy world. I do find many aspects of Mormonism harmful, repressive, and often just downright silly, and so I will continue to talk about it. It’s not the people, ok. It’s the religion.

This last comment is either from a “former” or “never” Mormon, but I did want to address what she said.

Trisha said:

I don’t know how you can say you feel sorry for the missionaries. If the tables were turned (as they probably are most of the time) and they encountered someone who wasn’t aware of scripture…..they would be the ones using a condesending tone and “holier than thou” attititute. It’s what they are trained to do when serving a mission. Twist, turn, confuse and state that they have the TRUE gospel. What goes around…..comes around. I feel no pity for them.

Trisha, I actually do feel sorry for the missionaries. For the most part, they are little more than children, sent hundreds–and sometimes thousands–of miles away from their families, with little chance to communicate. They are also not educated in the real church history, and anyone–like the zealous man in the video–can shoot down much of what they say, because they simply don’t understand the Bible, as well as their own controversial beliefs. The Mormon answer to anything is “just pray about it.” If the DNA evidence says that the Native Americans are not even remotely related to Jews, but rather came from Asia, then if you just pray about it God will wrap his hands around your spirit and make you comfortable with your totally UNPROVABLE belief that the Book of Mormon is true. It’s not a very strong platform. Come on, admit it.

When I see young Mormon missionaries, I see people who have been told how to think, what to believe, and what to do their ENTIRE lives. It gets even more restrictive on a mission.

Not only that, but they are hawking a product that most people don’t want to buy. It sucks to be the guy stuck selling the ice cubes when you live among the eskimos.

That said, I know that many of them are arrogant. Have you met MANY males ages 18-21 who AREN’T arrogant? At that stage of the game, the world STILL revolves around them. Just ask them. So, there is where my concern comes from.

Stay tuned for more reader comments…..