Lots of comments on my Bishop Comes to Visit post, including some from Mormons that I consider very cordial and kind. That’s unusual. Usually, I am getting the hate comments and the way-whack-out-of-control comments from people like Wayne, who implied that once you decide you don’t want the bishop knocking on your door, you are actually planning violent acts against all Mormons

Yeah, that’s right. Or Johnny, who said that you have to understand Wayne’s reaction, because, after all, Mormons are persecuted more than other religions. (Johnny later clarified his comment, thank goodness, because up until that point, he seemed pretty rational.)

Megan was very rational, and she told me to take a moment and write the letter, but you know, here is why I don’t think I should.

1. I already WROTE the letter. I had to go through a LOT of hoops to get that done. I had to call Gregory Dodge, because my bishop ignored all my calls. He finally got through to the bishop, who accepted the letter. A few weeks later, both my husband and I got the letter confirming our names had been removed. I did it once. WHY should I have to do it again, especially when the first time was so difficult?

2. After our entire family ended up BACK on the roster, and I in fact ended up there twice, I realized they don’t EVER really take your name off. They just move you to a different file. So WHY should I bother to write another letter? Odds are, I’ll end up back in the wrong file again.

3. When Bishop S. appeared at our door, after my husband called his house and told the bish’s wife that he was pretty peeved that we were on the ward directory, he was DIRECTLY defying the “do not contact” order I had told the last bishop to put in place AFTER WE ENDED UP BACK ON THE WARD LIST. That got lost somewhere, TOO!!! If you cannot write a letter and have your name removed, what is the point of writing another letter complaining that you already wrote the letter and had the official church letter to prove it? What is the point of all this letter-writing, when in fact I have BOOKS to write and deadlines to meet, and I have no time to waste FIGHTING these people off anymore.

4. Johnny asks what is wrong with someone stopping by to see how you are? GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK, Johnny. Bishop S’s first words were, “I’m your bishop, and I’m here to see if I can help you with the troubles with the Church that are bothering you.” He doesn’t give SQUAT about my arthritis and carpal tunnel, or the fact that my husband has a bad back. It’s about THE CHURCH, baby. They aren’t stopping by to visit. I have friends that do that. He is not my friend. His first words prove that. Don’t try to play that card, it ain’t working. IT ALWAYS goes back to the church. This man does not care about me. He does not even KNOW who I am. Well, he didn’t. Now he does.

5. I have told the LDS Church in no uncertain terms that I have no wish to be a member. They have BLATANTLY disregarded me. They do not care. They will dog me as long as I wish. Thus, I will dog them in return.

C’est la vie.

I think I’ve used this heading before, but, “You scare me” is something I’ve heard before. Our old friend Wayne finds all the Trappees very frightening. Consider his comment, below.

Natalie 25July2007
I don’t spend much time here anymore because I know how you all feel about the Church. I also know it is a waste of time trying to be (what’s the word), cordial? Because when everyone finds you’re a member of the Church it automatically sends up the red flag and everyone goes into the attack mode. You write all the horror stories about how the members of Church have contaminated your doorbells and walkways. I read all of the ideas that many of you have about how to keep the horrible, creepy, weird, and over zealous Bishops, Missionaries, Relief Society and home teachers away from you. Some of your ideas are kind of interesting and, should I say “Very Christ like”? Personally I don’t think any of you know who He is or anything about Him, let alone any of his teachings. The suggestions of running around naked, using fowl language, posting signs and even letting your dogs go on the missionaries are interesting comments and suggest an attitude that is very Un-Christ-like. I wonder how long it will be before one or some of you get to the point of taking it out on the members of the Church with a weapon or burning their house down, or maybe even rape or whatever. As for you Natalie: If some thing should happen like that, I think God will hold you partially responsible for egging it on. As far as I am concerned you are all sick in the head, and frankly, you scare me.

Wayne, I disagree. I’ve always been cordial to you. Just because I don’t AGREE with you does not mean I am being rude. I was cordial to “my” bishop, too. Honest, but cordial.

Now you, on the other hand, are being downright NASTY. We are all “sick in the head?” Hey, I’m not the one that believes that the Garden of Eden is in Missouri (have you BEEN THERE????) or that “Lamanites” are descendants of Jews, despite the abundant DNA evidence that disproves this.

I also have never espoused polygamy, OR defended it. Matter of fact, I would consider myself an ardent FOE of polygamy, and the horrible damage done to women and children in the name of religion. I also do not defend patriarchy, not because I believe men are bad, but because I find it harmful to MEN, women and children.

I do not believe that Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon with his HEAD stuck in a hat, but you do. At least, if you are a FAITHFUL MORMON you do. I also don’t believe that God was Adam, and Adam was God, but Brigham Young sure did.

I could go on and on here. But I won’t.

Who is sick in the head? I wish you well, quite frankly. If you are happy and content in your belief system, then more power to you. But I don’t believe, they won’t leave me alone, and I am forced to address it EVERY SINGLE DAY.

What you have listened to here is discontent among the masses of those who WISH TO BE LEFT ALONE.

And those, like azteclady, WHO cannot BELIEVE the lengths to which Mormons will go to retain members. Only CULTS behave in this manner. I’m sorry, but it’s true.

If anyone is SICK IN THE HEAD, it is the person who believes it is all right to walk up to someone who has said, “I do not believe,” and confront them! As I told the bishop, “I do not come to your house and confront your beliefs. I have NEVER knocked on your door and asked for your children to come to MY church. I would not do this.”

So why am I to regard Mormons as different? Why do you get to live by different rules? Why do YOU get to come on to MY blog, and call all former and ex-Mormons SICK IN THE HEAD? Just because we are TIRED of being harassed, and of having our wishes dismissed, because YOU don’t believe we KNOW what is right for us. I am 44-freaking-years-old. I can DECIDE for myself what is right. JOSEPH SMITH TRANSLATED THE BOOK OF MORMON WITH HIS HEAD STUCK IN A HAT. Are you REALLY going to try to convince me that he was NOT A CON MAN? HEAD! STUCK! IN! HAT!!!!

Would you please consider what you are saying here? Sick in the head? Who is REALLY sick? I live by reason and knowledge, and common sense. I make mistakes. I acknowledge said mistakes. Sometimes, I don’t know the complete situation, and I end up having to apologize. Sometimes, I do stupid things, and live to regret them. But I never stand up and say, “I KNOW THIS THING IS TRUE, BECAUSE MY BOSOM IS BURNING.”

That, people, is heartburn. There is medication for that.

The day I start the Church of Natalie you can accuse me of leading people astray. But I have never espoused to have THE ONLY TRUE THING. For that reason alone, Wayne, your attack is unwarranted and uncalled for. I am sure that you are a perfectly nice man, and a believing Mormon. But you are allowing your Mormon blinders to affect your ability to see reason and logic. I don’t WANT you to abandon your faith.

I DO want you to understand that others do and will, and that they HAVE THE SAME RIGHTS AS YOU.

It’s that simple. This doesn’t scare me at all.

As for you Natalie: If some thing should happen like that, I think God will hold you partially responsible for egging it on. As far as I am concerned you are all sick in the head, and frankly, you scare me.

I have NEVER advocated violence against ANYONE. I have also NEVER COME to your doorstep, or the doorstep of ANY Mormon and tried to force MY beliefs on you or them. EVER. Can you say the same? Who is REALLY in the wrong here? Think long and hard.

I do not understand how you cannot see that it is the MORMONS who are in the wrong here! Yes, these people are writing about going to some pretty extensive lengths to have their PERSONAL RIGHTS RESPECTED, because they NEVER ARE!!

And this was just plain funny.

The suggestions of running around naked, using fowl language, posting signs and even letting your dogs go on the missionaries are interesting comments and suggest an attitude that is very Un-Christ-like.

Does using “fowl” language involve squawks and chirps? A FOWL is a bird, baby. And why would posting signs be “un-Christ-like?” Hmmm? My dog would probably just lick the missionaries, like he does everything else. Including his, uh, well, you know. Frankly, how any of this leads to violence is BEYOND me. Have you ever even LAUGHED in your life, Wayne? NOT ONE COMMENT advocated any kind of violence. Yet, you wrote:

I wonder how long it will be before one or some of you get to the point of taking it out on the members of the Church with a weapon or burning their house down, or maybe even rape or whatever.

Yes, of course, we are getting together tonight and planning to rape and pillage in the Mormon community, because it is SO VERY important to us to get our point across with violence.

Wayne, you have missed a lot during your time visiting here, and one of the most important things you have missed is that WE REALLY JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE to believe the way we believe.

JUST LIKE YOU. How sad for you that you cannot comprehend that. And you are now locking your daughters in their bedrooms in fear that I am headed over to your house to rape them.

Never raped anyone in my life. Didn’t even come close. Don’t have the EQUIPMENT for one thing, and I also have daughters of my own, and I protect them just like you.

Stop making ridiculous assumptions. No one is forming a mob. I do not work that way, nor do the Trappees. WE do, however, have to release frustration and sometimes that includes humor and slightly irreverent suggestions.

Get over yourself. You used to scare people. Today, we laugh. You believe in silly things. We do respect your right to believe in said silly things. We do NOT respect your right to try to force them on us.

End of story.

Just caught this comment from Tom Barberi!

To one and all……thanks for the kind words and I have GREAT NEWS.

KALL RADIO LIVES!!!!

We are in the process of bringing KALL 700 back with my morning show, 6 to 10 and the rest of the programming under construction which will includ of course U of U sports and Real Salt Lake. Stay tuned……………

Tom Barberi
“The Voice of Reason”

Good to hear!!

So, tonight, after I got back from Happy Valley, I decided to blog my adventures in Utah County. I sat down, with my laptop and a beer, and started to write. And while writing my adventures, I looked out to see a man in a suit, advancing on our door. Yikes!
“Honey, the Mormons are here!” I yelled. So I answered the door. “Honey” chose to stay in place, for the moment.

It’s Sunday, there’s a man in a suit, this IS the Mormons, people. Just deal.

So,the man was OUR BISHOP. Now, first of all, I should not have a bishop. After all, many years ago, I wrote a letter, and threatened to dance naked on the bishop’s lawn, and then I finally received a letter in return, and was told I was NOT A MORMON any longer.

But this is not enough.

So, the bishop comes to visit. And the minute I see him, and open the door, I start. After all, I know my rights, which of course, I have none, considering this is the Mormon state. Bishop S. says, “Well, I am your bishop, and I just needed to visit you….”

I cut him off, of course. “We are NOT supposed to be Mormons. We wrote a letter, and we got another letter in return, and then WHOA, we are back on the records three years later–with many more members of our family, including a child named Robert, which must be a spirit child.” He politely laughed.

So, I explained all of this and then he explained to me, that my husband’s name has been removed (but it is STILL on the ward directory) , but mine was still there, and active, and that he just wanted to chat with us, and hopefully “fix any problems” we had with the church.

Um. Well. JUST TAKE MY NAME OFF!!

So, he says, “Well, if you will write another letter…”

Now here I balk. Because, quite frankly, why should I HAVE to write another letter? I already DID this people. So did my husband. And, as I pointed out to Bishop S., what point would writing yet another letter make? After all, I already did that, and it got me absolutely NIL.

I was pretty confrontational, and then I learned that my husband had CALLED the bishop’s wife, and told her that he was really upset we are on the ward directory. Because, quite frankly, an open directory means anyone at all can call us.

And she told him she would tell her husband, the bishop,that we were upset. Of course, given that Bishop S’s wife is about to give BIRTH to her TENTH (No, I am not lying) child, perhaps her reportage skills are dimmed.

So, you wonder why I say I am trapped? Please, ask my bishop.

My friend Jenni, who just happens to be a Mormon, called me today bemoaning the fact that NOTHING is open in Utah County on Sundays. Nothing. Not even the Wal-Mart. What were we thinking going down there?

What, you might ask, was the Collins clan doing in Utah County? Generally, it’s not a hot vacation spot, at least for us. My parents, on the other hand, make a yearly pilgrimage to worship at the wall of BYU EDUCATION WEEK. But because I have a Dancing Daughter, as does Jenni, we just spent Wednesday through Sunday in Happy Valley. I have decided this is a misnomer, because the man who flipped me off after I pulled (rightfully) into the merging lane by Utah Valley State College, did not look all that happy. Matter of fact, he looked downright grumpy, especially after I blew him a kiss.

But I digress.

Odyssey Dance Theatre puts on Dance Utah, the very best dance camp in the state (and possibly the west). You can learn from Derryl Yeager, Veronica Yeager, Eldon Johnson, Thayne Jasperson, Tiffany Carpenter, Trey Barber, and more. At the end of the camp, two scholarships per group are given away. Those scholarships are highly coveted. And the opportunity itself is HUGE. So, since Jenni and I have DDs, we were there in Utah County. Jenni stayed at a very expensive hotel, because she needed a suite and a place that would accept dogs. We decided to act like Trailer Trash and hang out in an RV Park, because we have a trailer.

We have never stayed in an RV Park before. I know, that might sound strange, but we are campers. We don’t worry about hookups, and sewer hookups, because we usually don’t go places where there ARE hookups. You camping snobs can just get over it, because I’ve slept in many tents in my life, and I’m old enough to have earned a trailer, and a place to shower WITHOUT spiders. And I don’t pee over a bush in the middle of the night when any size creature could get a hold of me. Sorry. I may have a big butt, but it’s my butt, and I’m attached to it.

Again I digress.

So, we pulled up to the RV park in Springville, Utah County, and the surveyed our scenery. A lot of other HUGE RVs and a railroad track. My parents had told me this was the best RV Park in Utah County, because they knew the area. I guess I don’t like RV parks. We had to buy a hose and some sewer containment thingie that we have never used before. The park manager said, “Oh, so you are dry campers, eh?”

Say THAT without making it sound like an insult.

The RV Park was crowded and loud, the managers crabby, and during the hot, hot, day, the smell from the, uh, poop cooker (as CC called it) was unbearable. We were glad to leave today. Plus, the wireless Internet at the park chose NOT to work. Until yesterday. GIVE ME A BREAK!!

The good part? Dancing Daughter won a scholarship, one of SIX given away!!

The bad part? My friend Jenni’s phone cut out, when she was talking to me, just like it always does in front of the adult bookstore in Ogden. She thinks it’s a sign that God wants her to go IN to the adult bookstore. I think the POWER OF SATAN is involved. You know how sneaky Satan is.

So, is there an adult bookstore in Utah County? Because her phone died, just like it always does in front of the ABS.

We shall have to investigate.