Just learned that Weenie Rat Face has been captured in Nevada! Woo hoo!!

More soon.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/08/29/polygamist.arrest.ap/index.html

Our new friend Curtis writes:

Natalie what is up with the mega issues regarding Ed week. I guess you would have been better off if your parents were in Vegas loosing everything they have while you are living out of the trunk of a car. I only wished I would have had parents so committed to the gospel. You poor thing I can only imagine what you have gone through for the last 12 yrs of your life. Hang in their and maybe some day your dad will see the light and start stepping out on your mom so you can feel better about life.

Geez, Curtis, what’s up with the issues regarding people not enthralled with Education Week?

Are you TRYING to tell me that if my parents were NOT at BEW, they would be LOSING everything in Vegas? I can pretty much guarantee that would not happen. My dad doesn’t even gamble with a yellow light. If it’s yellow, he KNOWS it’s going to be red next, so his car ain’t moving.

And if they weren’t at Education Week, Vegas would NOT be their next venue of choice. They’d probably be in Nauvoo.

You wrote:

I only wished I would have had parents so committed to the gospel.

Based on that, am I to assume that your parents WERE in Vegas, losing everything and living out of their trunk? Because the only issues I am seeing here are YOURS.

And what’s up with the last 12 years of my life? Did you pull that number out of your ass? Because it has no relevance to me or my post.

And this last comment was a doozy.

Hang in their and maybe some day your dad will see the light and start stepping out on your mom so you can feel better about life.

First of all, your grammar sucks. Above you wrote “loosing” when of course you meant “losing,” and here you have used “their” which is a pronoun, instead of “there” which is an adverb.

Second, are you trying to say that unless people are MORMON and at BYU Education Week, this horrible litany of personal problems will be rained down on them? Because I’m pretty sure that there are lots of VERY FAITHFUL Mormons that did not attend BYU Education Week, and yet they probably weren’t in Vegas or having adulterous sex, either.

Don’t put your issues on me, Curt.

I think BYU Education Week is silly, my parents think it is manna from Heaven. I do not take their right to believe and attend from them, and in return, they are TRYING really, really hard to treat me the same way. That invitation to Church last week doesn’t count. Really. Just ask them.

I haven’t yet had the chance to see this documentary, Banking on Heaven, but believe me, I am going to get the DVD.

The film is focused on polygamy, particularly the brand practiced by Weenie Rat Face’s clan (WRF AKA Warren Jeffs), and the trailer looks really good.

BANKING ON HEAVEN is the inside story of the largest polygamous enclave in the United States, written, produced, and narrated by Laurie Allen, who escaped a similar polygamous sect at age sixteen.

Go Laurie! This ain’t BIG LOVE, this is the real stuff.

Check out Laurie’s site.

I also read today about another movie, a short, called FOURTEEN. The reviewer RAVED about it. It sounds like an awesome short film. I’m trying to get some contact information.

Back when my little friend Sporty Boy chose to get baptized a MEMBER OF GOD’S TRUE CHURCH, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, he really changed. For about a day and a half.

Maybe half a day. It wasn’t long before he was shoving the cats in the dryer, again, just to see how dizzy they were after his mother freed them. But for a while, he was full of Mormon goodness and love. After we left the chapel, he stopped, opened the car door and waited for my daughter to get in. “Wow, Sporty. That’s so courteous of you,” I said. “You are such a gentleman.”

After we got into the car, he leaned into me and said, “It’s the Holy Ghost.”

I see. Well, I thought that was pretty cute. My husband did, too. His idea of cute and mine are not the same.

Now, whenever he farts, he says, “It’s the Holy Ghost.” Great.

Yesterday I tried to call my mother, because Dancing Daughter had a dentist appointment today, and I knew I would not be able to pick up Chatter Child after school. I was hoping the RETIRED parents, who are NOT currently serving one of their four thousand missions, could help. There was no answer.

Later that day, when I drove by their house, on the way to run errands, I saw the fifth-wheel was gone. So I called my older sister to see if the Mormonental units were out of town.

She confirmed they had, indeed left town. Now when I leave town, I aim for somewhere relaxing and distant.

They aim for somewhere close and filled with others just like themselves. Yup. Provo. BYU Education Week. They eat that shit up. Like candy.

From the Zoo Web site:

What is Campus Education Week?
More than 1,000 classes on hundreds of topics
200 quality presenters
Devotional with Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Entertaining evening performances
80 classes designed for youth (ages 14–18)
A place to meet and learn with friends and family
and more!

And Elder Dieter Uchtdorf? He’s going to be there! I heard he’s opening for Devo on their next world tour! He’s probably the Evening Entertainment!

Me? I’d rather visit my gynecologist daily, for all of the days it’s scheduled. Maybe hourly. And that leads me to the real truth. I MUST have been switched at birth.

“Please!” my friend Carlene said, when I suggested this theory to her this morning, on our walk. “You look just like them. You cannot claim that.”

Of course, Carlene has also threatened to take me to her cabin, as my “biggest fan,” and force me to rewrite my books when they don’t please her, so I’m not sure you can trust her judgment.

But, nevertheless, she is right. I look a LOT like my parents. I have no answer for how DIFFERENT we are. A brain transplant? I know not. But my parents truly love it. They LIVE for it. My father, whose health is failing, can no longer go on extended missions and take nationwide temple tours, like they used to do. A few years back, my mother would call when they were on the road, telling me about the states they were in–and the temples they had visited.

My parents live and breathe Mormonism. It is there when they wake up, when they go to sleep. It motivates all their vacations and all their entertainment plans. Nothing they do is NOT planned around their religion.

I know they love me. They just don’t get how I don’t live and breathe it, too. And I don’t get how they DO.

So, there was no help with the dentist dilemma, but that’s okay. That really isn’t their job. I appreciate they help me as much as they do. I won’t tell them how silly I think their BYU Education Week is. And in return, I’m sure they won’t tell me how silly sitting in front of computer for eight or more hours a day, making up stories, is, too.

The RV is in Provo, and the parents are being indoctrinated… er, educated.

Happy Education Week!