Today we have TWO, yes, TWO pieces of Mormon hate mail we are going to examine. Are you ready? Are you excited? I thought so.

First, from our new friend Garrett.

Where is your rant on the Catholic Church? Aren’t some of their areas so riddled with lawsuits that they are having to sell properties in order to fend off bankruptcy (look at Portland!). Aren’t they pais and professionally trained clergy. And they’re worse!!!

How does your solution of training help? The Catholics have proved that training has no bearing!

And get your cover ups right. It wasn’t the Mormon Meadows Massacre, it was the Mountain Meadows Massacre. All those things you mentioned have not been covered up. I learned more about those incidents, and the horrible wrongs that were done, in an LDS History class at an LDS college by and LDS professor than I have ever heard from any other source. The Church confronts its past head on.

I barely read two words about extermination orders by Missouri in US History, and murderous attacks on Mormons in Illinois, but this country pays retributions to Native Americans Japanese-Americans and creates numerous social programs for African Americans. Maybe it’s the rest of you covering up the wrongs to Mormons, not the other way around.

Face it, every house has it’s sewer. And stop thinking that Mormons are perfect, or think that they are perfect. We are all humans just tryong to get through this life. Many have found their happiness. Looks like you are still searching for yours.

Garrett

I fear our friend Garrett is another Mormon of the “look over there!” mindset of religion. I’m well aware there is plenty of nefarious dealings going on in other religions, too, Gar. Not necessary to point that out. It might work if this blog was titled, say, CATHOLICS ARE THE BOMB, but it’s not. I’m not holding anything ELSE up to your scrutiny and saying this is true. I realize that makes it hard for you, because then you have to resort to other tactics to draw our attention away, but you’re going to have to deal with this fact. I don’t WRITE about the Catholics because I don’t know SQUAT about the Catholics. Mormonism is my heritage. I live here in Utah surrounded by it, they like me enough they refuse to let me go, and I see it and deal with it daily. Therefore, I address it.

And really, you are saying what I have said repeatedly. Are you aware of that? Mormons are HUMAN BEINGS. They make mistakes.

As for this little statement: “And get your cover ups right. It wasn’t the Mormon Meadows Massacre, it was the Mountain Meadows Massacre.” MMM, I just tripped over my words a bit. My apologies for getting the actual terms wrong. I’ve done that before. I found myself typing along and WHAMMO, I’ve substituted something totally different. I’ll make sure to fix it, and thank you kindly for pointing it out.

On the training issue, so here’s a question back to you, Garrett. Are you actually maintaining that training will NOT help? See, the Catholic Church has had to face up to the fact that they fucked up big time. Yes, those priests were paid clergy, but the entire system was still operating under the “protect the church at all costs” agenda that the present day Mormon Church still uses. The backlash, the lawsuits, etc., are all working to change that now. They can no longer HIDE those horrible evils under the rug. That’s a good thing. I want to see the same from the Mormon Church. But you’re using the “look over there” theory again. “They had training, and LOOK what happened.” Training will only work if the system is ALSO set up to protect the victims, and not protect THE CHURCH. And that’s the bottom line.

This, of course, was my favorite part of the whole email. “The Church confronts its past head on.” BWWAHHHAAAHHHAAAAAAA. I nearly peed my pants. If THE CHURCH confronted their past HEAD ON, then Mark Hoffman would never have been able to pass off forgeries as real documents, because the Church hierarchy would not be so busy trying to cover things up that they thought would be harmful they never would have paid money to him in the first place.

If THE CHURCH confronted their past HEAD ON, then Boyd K. Packer would never have said, “Some things which are true are not very useful.”

If THE CHURCH confronted their past HEAD ON, they would not have published a manual in 1997 that wrote only about Brigham Young’s ONE wife. ONE WIFE??? Hello? Try 55! If you are facing your past HEAD ON, why do you LIE? That’s not honesty, Gar.

I could go on and on, but I’d bore myself to tears. Look, I can appreciate you don’t like my take on Mormonism, but it’s free agency dude. There ya have it.

Now, on to Marco.

Oh what a discovery ! This website is just delightfull. Full of vulgarity, weird analogies with mormonism, a great, dark & scary graphic… Man, that looks really like a big show, out here… Wow, Joseph Smith thought the moon was inhabbited ? What a great deal ! At that time, many people thought that. Oh that’s right. I forgot that a prophet is supposed to be inspired all the time : when he wakes, when he eats, when he thinks, when he talks and when he dreams. Funny how people can make up wrong images of what prophets should be or not… But sad also because of the deception it brings when those high hopes are not fullfilled… Funny also that guy who talks about freedom, free agency and twisted dialectic. What if I say that his analysis is somwhat biased, because what HE thinks freedom is (e.g. doing all the things contrary to the Gospel) is not exactly what I think it is - or someone else : an atheist, a muslim, a buddhist, etc. Looks like for him, failure to freedom is following Christ… Exactly the opposite. Quite interesting statement anyway. Before talking about “twisted dialectic”, maybe we should start with real definition of freedom. And then we’ll see who is twisting what…

Oh well… Anyway, visiting this site was worth it. I’m going right away to write my excommunication letter to the Church. I’ve been convinced : mormonism is baaaaad, and happily, there’s here a bunch of people who are tapping in each other’s back to persuade themeselves of that solid truth…

Bonne chance! Marco

Gee, thanks for the compliments, Marco. Been a while since someone called my site DELIGHTFUL. I’m quite sure you were being honest and not at all sarcastic.

I’m also SO glad that my site convinced you that you were wrong. By the way, what the fuck is a “twisted dialectic?” OOops, there goes that vulgarity again. It seems to be a web term that contradicts ITSELF. Your going to have to be more clear about what you mean, but that would mean WRITING A COHERENT statement. Sheesh. Good luck with that.

As for the prophet thing, are you trying to say that whenever Smith made a mistake, he wasn’t a prophet, and when he didn’t, or at least didn’t caught doing it, he WAS? You mean you get to PICK AND CHOOSE. Today he’s a prophet, but yesterday he WASN’T? Twist that dialectic!

Man, I need to get back to book deadlines. Trappees, hope you enjoyed the mail…..

It’s GCC time again, and today we have Kyra Davis, author of Passion, Betrayal, and Killer Highlights. First of all, I LOVE Kyra’s title, and the protagonist is a fascinating exotic mix–half black, half Jewish–that always lures me in. Here’s a little bit more about the book.

~~~~~
Considering the kind of disasters that usually befall the half-black, half Jewish mystery writer, probably both. Because the last time Sophie saw sexy P.I. Anatoly Darinsky, he practically danced a jig when she waved goodbye-a normal reaction for a man who’d nearly bought the farm due to her misguided attempts at vigilante justice. What are the chances he’d agree to take incriminating pictures of her sister’s philandering husband? Or that he’d let her tag along-you know…for research?

But when her brother-in-law turns up dead and her sister becomes the prime suspect Sophie’s priority is finding the real killer. With or without Anatoly’s help. Her brother-in-law’s secret life yields plenty of suspects, but the San Francisco police aren’t taking any of them seriously. So Sophie does what comes naturally to her: she stirs up trouble (to lure the killer out, of course).

But if her crazy plan works will everybody survive the outcome?

In the rollicking follow-up to Sex, Murder And A Double Latte, Sophie hones her irreverent humor and sleuthing skills to a sharp edge. Fans of Stephanie Plum or Kinsey Millhone will no doubt love Sophie and find her snappy comebacks and quirky cohorts as addictive as good coffee and a sexy dye job (okay, let’s stick with the caffeine).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now that you’re TOTALLY intrigued, Kyra answers our Trapped questions.

1. If you had to be “Trapped” somewhere, where would it be?

Antonio Banderas’ bedroom? I could be trapped in Blair Underwood’s bedroom too…that would work for me.

2. If you could pick your “Trapped” companions, what three people would you want with you, and why?

Well obviously I’d like Antonio to be there and….oh! Can I have Blair there too? This is my fantasy, so why not?

If I hadn’t just decided to be trapped in a bedroom with two hot male celebrities I’d want to have my son with me because the idea of not being able to get to him would kill me. But I assume that eventually Melanie Griffin would pick the lock and haul my ass out of there so that being the case I’d have the third person be my best friend Brenda. I wouldn’t mind sharing Antonio and Blair with her and she’s way too loyal (and too cool) to sell the story to Star Magazine once we got out.

3. If you could only pick five books to be “Trapped” with, what would they be?

See I set myself up because of where I’m trapped. Normally I’d pick something by Alice Walker, David Sedaris and maybe Edith Wharton but things being as they are I guess I’d go with The Multi-Orgasmic Woman by Mantak Chia and Rachel Carlton Abrams, maybe two books by Susie Bright, Like Water For Chocolate by Laura Esquivel (translated by Thomas Christenson) and while we’re on a food/Passion thing why don’t we throw in Joanne Harris’ Chocolat (and don’t even talk to me about the movies that were made of the latter two novels, they were good but the books put them to shame).

4. What ONE famous person would you absolutely NOT want to be “Trapped” with?

Our current president. It would really suck if I was rescued only to be arrested for a political assassination.

5. You can bring three things from your “former” life to “Trapped.” What would those three things be?

My former LIFE?! How long can this little orgy go on? Well okay I’ll go with it…I guess I’m going to take my journal (I may not sell the story to Star but there are my own books to think of) maybe some massage oil and a huge box filled with dark chocolate covered espresso beans, if we’re going to do this let’s do it right.

6. Where is one place you absolutely would NOT want to be “Trapped.”

Guantanamo Bay. I’m a political moderate, not some kind of soft-on-terrorism-liberal-extremist but the idea of being imprisoned by the government of a supposedly democratic country without the right to a trial or well…ANYTHING—that’s just horrifying. I’m not surprised that some of the prisoners committed suicide. What surprises me is that it took this long.

Thanks for answering those questions, Kyra!

Many of you know I have been away. Since last Wednesday. First at Thrillerfest in Phoenix, and then to Burbank, for a dance competition/convention for Dancing Daughter, and then on to San Diego, for….WOW. R&R. A whole two days. LOL. Tomorrow morning we are headed back to Utah. I’m sure Utah is thrilled.

I have spent a lot of time in hotel rooms. In fact, I think I shall start rating them.

Arizona Biltmore: Ritzy, chi chi resort. Pretty rooms, but, VERY spendy. Fucking $6 should you be thirsty and open the bottled water. DO.NOT.OPEN.THE.WATER. Step away from the water. In fact, resort to drinking melted ice. It really was a nice place, but costly. It was $4.25 for a Diet Pepsi–yet another venue who has caved the World Domination Plot of Pepsi. Note to Pepsi people: IT AIN’T GONNA WORK. I might buy your Diet Pepsi when I am in your LIGHT FIELD, but when I go home, I’m buying Diet Coke. Sorry.

Burbank Hilton: Overpriced, and relatively poor service. Found a HUGE cockroach in our room the last day. They charge you for EVERYTHING including Internet. Didn’t have to pay for Internet at the Biltmore!! They also wanted to charge us $15 a day for a ROLLAWAY bed! I am not lying. I stayed away from the bottled water on the armoire. I was afraid a charge for $20 per bottle would show up on my bill! The toilet was broken. We had to open up the tank and mess with it every damn time we had to flush it. I called and told them I was not paying that much money to have to stick my hand in a toilet tank.

Holiday Inn Sea World: Well, pretty nice. We have a junior suite, and it’s comfortable. Cost more than the other two rooms (we had conference rates for those) but you don’t get hit with all those charges. Of course, there IS not bottled water in my room, so I feel safe. We have a fridge and a microwave. Coulda used those in Burbank.

Funniest hotel moment: Eight a.m., a knock on the door. Housekeeping. I didn’t put out the Do Not Disturb sign. So I put it out. Then I forget. After we get up, we address the broken toilet. I call to complain. Pedro from maintenance comes to fix it. I get a phone call telling me he is outside but cannot come in because the DND sign is up. So I open the door and remove the sign. Pedro spends about ten minutes. Says it’s fixed. I removed the sign for Pedro.

Knock, knock, knock. Housekeeping. NO, we are still here. It is early. I am told ONCE again to put sign out.

Toilet is not fixed. WRONG Pedro. I call again.

Get yet ANOTHER phone call. Do not Disturb sign is out. Maintenance worker cannot come in. LORD, have mercy. This is like an Abbott and Costello routine. You CANNOT clean, but you CAN come fix the toilet.

This time the guy spent at least 25 minutes and DID fix the toilet. I didn’t have to stick my hand in that tank again. Thank God.

Goodnight from San Diego, and when you hear from me again, I will be back, Trapped Behind the Zion Curtain.

At any rate, I wanted to check in and share this little Hotel Tidbit from the Burbank Hilton.

I am in Phoenix at Thrillerfest, but I logged in to post about my experiences here, and noticed I had two very funny comments. I know, I know, my sense of humor is warped. But here they are (I’ve changed the email to protect the, uh, well, the….whatever):

Name: bob from canada | E-mail: s15868@xxxxxxxx
hey im not a mormon but it does sound pretty true. and if you say it’s fake look at scientology. it’s about aliens who came from a different planet. it was made by a sci fi author who said “the best way to get money is to start a religion.” also if their church didn’t send out misionaries why wouldn’t it be true

Dear Bob. Despite the fact I am about to prove you ARE in fact, A) a Mormon; B) Also using the name James; and C) Either schizophrenic or terribly confused–or both–I’ll humor you. At least as best I can.

It actually DOESN’T sound pretty true, and if I were you, I’d be careful throwing around accusations about sci fi authors who talk about aliens from a different planet. While I understand the “LOOK OVER THERE” theory of religion you are trying to use (a theory that basically calls attention to someone ELSE’S weird beliefs so no one will notice yours), your prophet Joseph Smith had some pretty strong SCIFI leanings himself. Why, just consider Kolob. See, that’s an entirely different planet. And Mormons believe in it. There’s also some proof that Joseph Smith taught the MOON was inhabited, but of course, people tried to shut that down by attacking the source.

As far as MISSIONARIES going out proving it’s true, I should point out that Jehovah’s Witnesses also proselytize. Does that mean THEY have the truth, too? You are SOME sucker if you believe that. You are RIPE material for Mormon missionaries… Oh wait. Let’s read the NEXT email.

Name: James | E-mail: s15868@xxxxxxxx

Saying that all mormons are bad is false. not one of them are perfect no one else is . If a lds commits a sin it doesn’t mean everyone else does that. we are being accused of being a cult or a fake church. Maybe you should do some research. Our church is doing our best to be like church jesus christ started 2000 years ago. remnder people who commit adultary, murder people, and molest children are not just mormons they could be lutheran, catholic, or athiast. Mormons are asked by the prophets tokeep their bodies, minds and spirits clean.

See, JimBob, if you are going to TRY to pretend to be two different people, you probably shoudn’t leave the SAME email address. Not a Mormon my ass. Interesting tactic, but I think I’ll pass. I do not SAY all Mormons are bad. Probably ought to do read a little before you make that assumption. Probably ought to DO the research you tell ME to do. Did the research, got the T-shirt, read your email and laughed my ass off. You’ve been lead astray. YOU do the research. I know that Mormons aren’t the only ones who kill, molest, abuse or cheat. I’ve said that repeatedly. Start listening.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.