I recently, finally, left my day job, which was teaching middle school students that grammar was really, really important, dammit!

That lesson, for the most part, did not take. Go figure.

But one of them, one student I didn’t actually teach this year, but who touched my damned, vulnerable heart, has kind of gone off the deep end. Her hair is now blue–Cookie Monster Blue, with white stripes–and she now has a piercing. A lip ring.

This student had a rough year. This student was sexually abused by a stepfather this year. This student moved into a new house with her father, and has absolutely no supervision. Hence the blue hair and the lip ring. Her mom, apparently, thinks it is cool.

And this student has an attitude now. A “who the fuck do you think you are to question my decisions?” kind of attitude. Sadly, I have seen the progression to this “attitude.” What do you do with that? How do you react?

I know where this is coming from. I have viewed, firsthand, her descent from happy-go-lucky athletic teenager to blue-haired nasty-mouthed, lip-ringed teenager.

Are all kids with blue hair and lips rings bad kids? No, of course not. But they ARE hiding. They are putting on a mask, and a charade, and a costume of elaborate making. They are, in fact, no longer the person they used to be.

How do you deal with this?

I got two very DIFFERENT pieces of email the other day. The first said this:

I just finished reading “Wives and Sisters.” I have to admit I was less than impressed. As a journalist you should get your facts straight before you present them to your readers. I sympathize with what must have been a
horrible childhood, but your anger should be directed in helping abused women and children (they are in all social groups–not just LDS families) instead of trying to blacken the LDS Church. All of teachings of the Church are AGAINST any kind of violence or abuse. Just like the rest of the population–it has taken time for some of these crimes to come to the public eye. The Church has
moved quickly to eradicate this evil from our midst. Many of the lessons in the Priesthood manuals are directed at teaching the men to be kinder and more supportive of their wives and children. As for the LDS church being oppressive
to women–I had to laugh at that one. Any Sunday that one would care to visit our ward would find at least two women speaking in Sacrament Meeting. The Young
Men don’t relish the speaking assignments but the Young Women love it. The adult women are heard from each week also, as speakers and in offering opening
or closing prayers. Also, I have yet to meet any of those poor, tired, down-trodden Mormon women you speak of. All of the LDS women I know are happy, confident, lovely people.

The same day, I received THIS email:

Natalie - I have just learned about your book, and have it on order from Amazon. I was compelled to buy it because I’ve now been asked three times by acquaintences if I had written it. With the exception of your dominant plotline (the kidnapping) it’s my story, too. I’m sure there are many of us who have felt the hold and then the eventual release that ‘the church’ has had on our lives. Living in Utah as the only ‘non-believing’ member of a militant Mormon family has been both a blessing and a curse. I cannot wait to read this
book. I’m thanking you, in advance, for writing it.

Email writer number 1, whom I will call Molly, basically said the same thing I’ve gotten from other Mormon readers. Please note, not ALL Mormon readers react this way. But like Mormonism encourages, she is speaking in absolutes. “All of the LDS women I know are happy, confident, lovely people.”

ALL of them? Boy, that is pretty hard to defend, because people are PEOPLE, and I know some of those same Mormons, and I can guarantee you they are NOT all happy, confident, lovely people. Unless you are all taking massive amounts of drugs. Then maybe you ARE all very, very happy, and it APPEARS every other Mormon is very happy, too, mostly because you can’t see through the fog.

Frankly, if ANY PORTION of that statement were true, Utah would NOT be the highest anti-depressant-popping state in the nation.

People like Mark Hacking would NOT kill their wives, because they would be too damn HAPPY to be upset that said wife was leaving because, of course, said wife would NOT be leaving, because Mark would not have created the pyramid of lies that collapsed. He would have been a perfectly wonderful, perfectly functioning MORMON MAN WHO WAS PERFECTLY LOVELY.

This AIN’T fucking Utopia, Molly.

Who gives a shit if the women are SPEAKING in your sacrament meeting? What proof does that offer up? That Mormon men allow their women to speak? How progressive of them.

As for ALL of the teachings of the church being against violence…. MUWWAAHHHAAHHHHAAAA.

Please, let me cite one of my favorite Brigham Young quotes.

“I say, that there are men and women that I would advise to go to the President immediately, and ask him to appoint a committee to attend to their case; and then let a place be selected, AND LET THAT COMMITTEE SHED THEIR BLOOD. “We have those amongst us that are full of all manner of abominations, those WHO NEED TO HAVE THEIR BLOOD SHED, for water will not do, their sins are of too deep a dye. “You may think that I am not teaching you Bible doctrine, but what says the apostle Paul? I would ask how many COVENANT BREAKERS there are in this city and in this kingdom. I believe that there are a great many; and if they are COVENANT BREAKERS we need a place designated, WHERE WE CAN SHED THEIR BLOOD.” (Journal of Discourses, Vol. 4, pages 49-50)

Nope, no violence there.

My second email was one of hundreds like it I have received since the release of the paperback edition of WIVES AND SISTERS. I realize that everyone’s Mormon experience was not like Allison Jensen’s, but I ALSO know that Molly has to know that everyone’s Mormon experience is not like hers, either. But that’s not what she’s telling you and me.

Interesting. Does she really believe her story? Curious and curiouser.