We neutered the dog; can we neuter idiots, too?
After Stormy the wonder dog joined the dawg gang, and started taking every opportunity to sneak out of the house and go terrorize the neighborhood, difficult decisions had to be made.
It became impossible to even open the door without his skinny little ass sneaking through the smallest gap so he could cavort off and find the other dawgs and cause all kinds of mayhem.
It was decided that the time had come to do the dreaded N word. Stormy does not recognize the dreaded N word. He recognizes the dreaded B word (for bath) and the dreaded C word (get your mind out of the gutter! Comb! Comb!), but the N word was a new one for him.
Thusly, the appointment was made, and the jingling car keys just meant “ride! Head out window! Doggie treats at bank!” to him. He did not understand he would return home notably altered.
Mr. Collins carted him off, and his little tail was just a wagging. Is it cruel not to let them know what awaits them? Guess I’ll never know. Dancing Daughter started asking questions. “What is it they do, Mom? They don’t cut off his little thingie, do they?” I know, I know, male readers everywhere are wincing. Mostly because she said “little,” and not “cut off.”
“No, they just remove the part of it that makes him love the cat,” I answered.
“And the pillows?”
“Yes, the pillows, and legs, and…..”
So, Stormy’s cat-loving ways are over. I know it seems a drastic solution, but the cat is much more content. He did not return Stormy’s ardor, and in fact it caused him such trauma that he hid on top of the fence and other places and waited for good opportunities just to take Stormy down and roll him for cigarettes and money.
I did mention the dawg gang, didn’t I? Hopefully, Stormy will mend his ways, and all will be good.
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There was an op-ed in today’s Salt Lake Tribune by Paul Mero, a man apparently in need of a good frontal lobotomy or a lap dance. Either or.
I was going to blog on this, but the dawg gang problem seemed more pressing, and then I read the post by Jon Armstrong on Blurbomat, aptly entitled, “Why people think Utah is crazy.”
He said it all quite well.
April 9th, 2006 at 3:52 pm
Byebye… little male dog.. hello … are you sure that it will help the problem? We had a shetland who was neutered late in life.. He could still tell when the mares were in heat and he would mount them.
As for crazy Utahns… they just can’t see it. Can they??
Cyn
April 9th, 2006 at 3:58 pm
No, no, we’re not sure. We hear these dog gangs are addicting. We can only hope….
April 9th, 2006 at 6:05 pm
Growing up, our dog used to mount my little 5 year old brother in the middle of the night. He’d scream out “Brando is surfing on me again!”. Good times.
April 9th, 2006 at 10:40 pm
Muwawaahhhaaa. Brando. Surfing. LOLOLOL.
April 10th, 2006 at 9:10 am
I’m a firm believer in neutering animals that you don’t want to reproduce. Therefore when Arlo turned 4 months old I took him in for his “notable altering.” I think I did it too soon, I now have a 2 year old basset that squats like a sissy. It has been nice to not have to deal with pillow humping, cat jumping…or leg surfing… good one Wendy.
April 10th, 2006 at 12:20 pm
That is just wrong! Ouch! Pillows?! My God! JESUS!!!
I hope Stormy lives up to his name.
Inthenameoftheosmondsamen,
Howy
April 11th, 2006 at 9:34 am
Speaking of neutering…..the other day KRCL was giving away a free vasectomy to anyone who wanted to drive to Moab to get it. A Dr. in Moab pledged the price of it to the stations fund raiser…..haha tee hee
April 11th, 2006 at 12:47 pm
Can you give a dog a vasectomy? Then he can still hump without offspring - charming.
A vasecotmy is what every man needs, you keep all the juice, but you don’t get the seeds.
April 11th, 2006 at 11:44 pm
Oh, for christsake - STOP! Probably ripped the heads off your Ken dolls.
Howy
April 12th, 2006 at 9:37 am
LOL… ummm that was me… or did I rip off the heads of the Barbies… I can’t remember.
April 13th, 2006 at 7:37 am
Not to worry, if Stormy is feeling a bit lacking these days, you can always get him a little set of Neuticles to make him “whole” again. I kid you not, they actually make silicon replacement testicles for neutered dogs.
Which leaves me to wonder why fixing a dog is such a big deal? I can’t think of a single cat owner, including me, who even gives neutering a male cat a second thought. They turn six months and in they go to the vet and that’s that. And no Neuticles are made for them, either.
April 14th, 2006 at 9:27 am
Not drastic at all. When dogs are neutered, they are generally more disciplined and less aggressive. Because they are no longer humping everything, they are more guest-friendly. They are safer because they are less likely to escape the yard to be hit by cars or stolen. They are often more content because they are no longer in permanent, unfulfilled lust–especially when female dogs in heat are around. And, most importantly, with all the stray dogs out there with no one to care for them, and with shelters so over-crowded, every neutered dog is one fewer that can escape and cause litters of puppies. So, yes, you did the right thing. (My dad’s a vet and I volunteer with the Humane Society. Can you tell???)
April 19th, 2006 at 9:12 am
Too bad little Weenie Rat Face wasn’t neutered the day he was born. Would rather sleep with a cute little neutered STORMY cuddly dog any day than that IDIOT SPERM BANK Warren. Oh Barf! Yes IDIOTS, child molesters, rapists….you know anyone interested in any of that should just automatically be neutered! Yah to the point of cutting IT off with a dull knife. They should then put all neutered IDIOTS like Warren out in the middle of the Mohave Desert.