This is a three-part post. Lucky you, readers.

Part I–The Mormons Are Back In Town

Gotta love it. The FIRST Mormons that are back, are the comment-happy ones. Found this comment on my blog, from Dorene.

You are questioning why the church is asking to have a disclaimer at the start of each episodes, and feeling if they were not practicing polygamy today then why would they need it? Well, this is about as irresponsible as feeling if you didn’t commit a murder than you need not hire a lawyer. Get real.

Airing this show will open a box of evils resulting from false understandings aimed at members of the church, evils that only God will be able to stop. Are the facts shown in the series true? No, they are not. And how do I know? I’m an ordained LDS temple worker and a convert of the church for well over 45-years.

You get real. And while you’re there, get REALISTIC. This is JUST common sense, Dorene. IF the Mormon Church has NOTHING at all to do with polygamy, than there is NO NEED TO ISSUE A DISCLAIMER. Since that is not the case, THEY HAVE TO ISSUE THE DISCLAIMER. As far as your murder/lawyer comparison, well, generally you only HAVE TO HIRE A LAWYER, if you had something to DO with the victim, KNEW the victim, had a reason to KILL the victim, etc. Really, pretty much the same thing here.

Mormons are TIED to polygamy, and will forever be, because they used to PRACTICE it, and in fact, believe it will STILL be practiced, if not here, than in the afterlife.

As for your second paragraph, I almost sensed a THREAT there. You planning some retribution in the name of God, Dorene? Only GOD will stop those evils aimed at the Mormons? Scary.

Bottom line, your argument does not hold water, Dor. It’s a hamburger short of a happy meal. Sorry.

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Part II–The Heavens Weep–More Mormons

The second group of Mormons are…. You guessed it. It’s that time again. Yup, it’s time for GENERAL CONFERENCE. True to form, as the old saying goes, “When the Mormons meet, the heavens weep.” It was damned cold here today, and rainy, and thus, it is General Conference. Word on the street and in the forums is that Gordon B. Hinckley is pretty ill. I hear Thomas S. Monson is next in line. Not sure why, but I’ve always kind of liked him. He told good stories, and most of the time you thought they were true, and not fabricated like the fairy tales told by that other guy, Paul H. Dunn.

Haven’t heard if the street preachers are waving the garmies around this year, but I SINCERELY hope not.

I’ll have more to report tomorrow.
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Part III–The Prodigal Children Return

Okay, okay, I had to put that, but the truth is, THE GOOD CHILDREN are returning the fold, and I’m the prodigal. This is the third group of Mormons who have come back. Mom and Dad Collins are rejoicing as both my younger sisters return from other states to make their homes, once again, in Zion. It was kinda cool there for a while, because Mom only had ME around. She had no choice but to deal with my apostate ass, and there was no one to rejoice in the ward homemaking and all that stuff with her.

Well, my reign has ended. I’m headed back out to the black sheep pasture as the GOOD CHILDREN are moving home.

Truthfully, my mom doesn’t really discriminate against one child or another, so I’m being a BIT facetious here, although you must admit she DOES have more in common with the GOOD CHILDREN than Natalie R. Collins. She also does not discriminate against her member grandchildren, and loves my children as much as the others. She’s a good mom.

She gets irritated with me, though, when I am irreverant, and neither she or Dad have quite gotten over the fact that St. Martin’s ALMOST used the SLC Temple as my first cover. Hey, I didn’t design it!

Anyway, welcome back to all the Mormons, including slightly-unbalanced Dorene.

Hope you enjoy your stay.

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