Well, the Mormons are at it again, with their email campaign against BIG LOVE, the new HBO Show about a polygamist and his three wives, which is set in Utah. I personally have received several of these emails, and just about every other Jack, ex, or on-the-fence Mormon has, too.

Modern day Mormons say they have NOTHING to do with polygamy. NOTHING AT ALL. They are so concerned about people thinking they have ANYTHING at all to do with polygamy they are writing email campaigns against a show about polygamy, even though they say they have nothing to DO with polygamy.

The show has even issued a disclaimer that modern-day Mormons have NOTHING TO DO WITH POLYGAMY.

Um, okay.

Meanwhile, there’s my book. And since it is a controversial topic, and about Mormons, and not particularly faith-promoting (although realistic) perhaps I’ll be next. Perhaps they will send chain emails in droves to my publisher. I decided to help them out.

FW: Take action

I’m asking for your help-for about 3 minutes of your time.

The book WIVES AND SISTERS is set in Utah, and it is about a Mormon family that is not the Mormon ideal, or faith-promoting, and certainly not “choosing the right.” In fact, this book is decidedly anti-Mormon, because, as you all know, only anti-Mormons write things that are not faith-promoting or about people “choosing the right.” This writer must have an axe to grind. Someone must have made her mad, and so she left the Church and now she won’t leave the Church alone. Everyone knows the church is perfect, but the people are not. So why won’t she leave the church alone? If you don’t like it, leave! Yes, we make it hard for ex-Mormons to leave, because we hunt them down and pretend we have taken them off the rolls when we really haven’t, and we still visit them, and put notices on their doors for church activities on their doors, and all that….. But still. We don’t bug her… except for every Sunday, on birthdays and holidays, and sometimes during the week when we collect for our church activities, or the scouts do their flag fundraiser.

But that’s neither here nor there.

NBC recently cancelled a show about a dysfunctional Episcopal priest who saw a “Jesus”, after almost 700,000 people emailed and complained.

Couldn’t we do the same for WIVES AND SISTERS? Just go out, buy a copy of this book, and then MAIL it back to the publisher in protest. Better yet, MAIL IT BACK to the author in protest! What the heck is she going to do with all those books, huh?

Most important is to GET THOSE BOOKS OUT OF STORES, so they cannot fall into the hands of unsuspecting potential converts. So go. GO buy books. Do your part for the Lord.

Thanks.

Today I signed books at the Layton Barnes and Noble in Layton, Utah. It’s always interesting to sign what some regard as an “anti” Mormon book in the middle of Mormon country, although Layton is pretty diverse, mostly because of Hill Air Force Base.

I thought it would be interesting to recount what the signing was like.

1. Signing starts, and they have ordered about 10 hardback books, as well as 30 paperbacks. Surprisingly, first three books I sell are hardbacks. I really didn’t think that with the paperback sitting there, people would shell out money for a hardback, but one was for a gift, one for a nice lady who collects signed books, and one for a collection of local authors at Weber State University. That nice man also bought a paperback copy for his wife.

2. Middle-aged slightly nerdy but nice man comes to table, leans down and whispers conspiratorially, “How do you like your publisher?” My publisher is great, I assure him. I have a great editor. Next twenty minutes pass by while he explains how he has written a science fiction book and everyone who reads it loves it and asks for more. He also asks many questions about publishing and getting published. He wants to know why he can’t self publish. He finally leaves WITHOUT buying book, and with letting me know he just doesn’t understand why that pesky switching tenses is so wrong. He just writes “what feels right.”

3. Candy I have set out to attract people to my table attracts very cute four-year-old boy. He spends about 10 minutes explaining why he needs three pieces, for him and his brother, because they always share, and will be splitting the third piece in half. He is so cute, I give him two more just because he amuses me.

4. Mentally handicapped boy spots candy and comes over, scooping up handful. Mother admonishes him to return it. I tell her he is welcome to take some candy. Big mistake. For next two hours, he wanders the store unsupervised and keeps coming over to scoop out big handfuls of candy. I try telling him that it will make him sick, but he is not listening. No idea where mother is. Finally, I resort to hiding basket every time he comes close. I have no problem sharing my candy, but I am afraid that he will get sick on chocolate and I will get sued or something.

5. Nice slightly gothic twenty-something girl comes up, asks about book, wonders if it will offend her Mormon mother (answer: possibly) and gets signed copy, then moves away.

6. Twenty minutes later, nice slightly gothic twenty-something girl stands at rack next to my signing table and talks loudly to her friend about her own writing, and how “Jane thinks it is awesome, and so-compelling,” and how she keeps having people tell her she should get it published. Apparently, however, Jane was drunk while she read it, so perhaps her opinion is not valid. Friend assures her Jane’s opinion is always valid, drunk or not.

7. Strange woman wearing headphones and carrying CD player comes in, picks up book, reads back summary, glares and me, slaps it back down on the table with a “hmmph” and walks away.

8. Friend Suzanne and husband Matt come in, and buy four copies, having me sign them for different friends and relatives. Suzanne then walks around store with copies face out, so people will see book and want their own copy. Good Suzanne.

9. Several other people buy signed books, offer congratulations, and leave quickly. Two more hardbacks are sold.

10. Nice former Mormon comes and introduces himself, and we have a nice chat. He buys a book, and promises to email his response to it.

11. Nice lady comes up and tells me she bought book in hardback last year, and applauds me for my courage.

12. In the aisle, next to the table where I am signing, is a Dan Brown table. A FREAKING table. For next three hours, I fight back compulsions to physically pounce on people perusing Brown books and drag them over to MY table (which will be dismantled shortly after I leave, as opposed to Brown’s ENTIRE FREAKING TABLE, which will not) and make them buy MY books.

13. Did I mention Dan Brown has an entire FREAKING table? Since no one is at my table, I wonder over there and bookseller starts talking to me. I mention I am not a real fan of Angels and Demons, and girl with man perusing DAN BROWN’S FREAKING table joins conversation. She soon comes over to check out my book, gets excited and buys copy. WOO HOO.

14. Twenty-something, slightly gothic girl returns to same spot, again talking loudly about her latest story, and how her boyfriend keeps telling her she is as good as any book in Barnes and Noble. Not exactly sure what girl wants me to do, aside from begging to read her work, I choose to smile nicely and sign books for about four more people, including very nice former Mormon couple.

15. Very, very strange girl comes up to table. Shows me some sort of book with just pictures (not sure what it was) and tells me she is not capable of reading words, only pictures. And she is good artist, too. Her mother tells her she should write, but no, she wants to draw pictures, like the ones in the book. Sorry she can’t buy my book because it has words, not pictures. She doesn’t much like words.

16. Nice man comes up and chats with me. Tells me he is California Mormon, not Utah Mormon, making sure I know the difference, and then tells me how men writers just GRAB ya, and women writers don’t. But maybe his wife would like my book. Turns out, after reading the description, she doesn’t want it either. She wants to read books about “happy Mormon families.” I am a washout there.

17. Things slow down, and I sign remaining books, and slap autographed copy stickers on them. Manager thanks me, and I leave him with some of my cards. All told, there are ten paperback copies left and only two hardback copies. Manager says they are going to set up display at information desk with remaining signed copies.

18. Friend Cindy comes in, with daughter, in between soccer game breaks. She buys four copies, and has me sign them. I love friends.

19. On way home, I stop at Albertson’s Grocery Store for toilet paper (oh the glamorous life) and spot my book there! I ask manager if I can sign it. He gives me strange look, and asks me how he is supposed to know it is really me. Hello? Are their hordes of people wandering into stores and signing books randomly? Is this is a real crime problem? I open up book and show him my pictures. “Yep, that’s you.” I sign books.

20. I can HARDLY wait for the next signing.

I would like to welcome Johanna Edwards to Trapped by the Mormons. I had the pleasure of reading Johanna’s first novel, THE NEXT BIG THING, and I LOVED it, so I can hardly wait to read her newest novel, YOUR BIG BREAK. And meanwhile, I asked her my standard questions for the members of GCC, and here’s what she had to say.

If you had to be “Trapped” somewhere, where would it be?

London, England. I love it there!

If you could pick your “Trapped” companions, what three people would you want with you, and why?

Bono, because I think we could talk for hours about politics and life. Plus, he’s hella fine. Sylvia Plath because she was so talented. Jennifer Aniston, because I adore her.

If you could only pick five books to be “Trapped” with, what would they be?

Good in Bed; High Fidelity; Girl, Interrupted; The Bell Jar; The Beach

What ONE famous person would you absolutely NOT want to be “Trapped” with?

Paris Hilton. I would vomit.

You can bring three things from your “former” life to “Trapped.” What would those three things be?

My laptop (with internet connection). My beautiful pets (can they please all count as one?). My DVD collection.

Where is one place you absolutely would NOT want to be “Trapped.”

Ann Coulter’s booksigning.

So there you have it. Make sure you check out Johanna’s book, because I promise you, she is very, very good and her books are worth reading.

Once again, I have been called an “Anti-Mormon” and as always, I take issue with this.

I am NOT an anti-Mormon. I love Mormons. Some of the most beloved people in my life are Mormon (like my mom). My mom is the kindest, most honest, nicest person in the world. She is a little nuts about religion, but that’s okay. Every dang time she goes on a trip with my dad, they visit Temples across the United States. I’ve taken to calling their vacations the “Great Temple Tour I.” Or “II.” Or “IIIIIIIIII.” (They like Temples, and I am sketchy with my Roman numeral knowledge.) As odd as I find this, I must say that she could be doing worse things. If she starts sacrificing animals on altars and dropping hints about my virgin daughters, I might change my opinion, but for now, I am NOT anti-My-Mom.

Any time you don’t like MORMONISM, however, as opposed to not liking MORMONS, you get the label. I do not hate Mormons. I do think Mormonism is, well, silly. My mom is aware of this belief of mine. It hasn’t been easy for her, but somehow, she still manages to love me. She should. After all, she CREATED me. She has some part in this. I know, I know, she wants to say I am all “your father’s child” but he believes in Mormonism, too. I would like to explain this, but can’t. So I’m moving on.

So, while I am not an anti-Mormon, I have to admit I am “anti” many things.

I am anti-math. Math is bad. When a child looks at you and says, “Will I ever use this in real life?” and you don’t tell them the truth and say “no,” that is bad, too. (Yeah, this mostly applies to Algebra, but it could have other applications. Just ask the MATH gods!)

I am anti-Saran-wrap. No good EVER came of Saran Wrap. The only things it ever sticks to are not the things you wanted it to stick to, and from there things get bad.

I am anti-liver. Oh, man, that stuff is nasty. There is no good use to liver. Even if you are anemic, it is not good, because you will DIE from the awful taste in your mouth before the iron can reach your poor deprived bloodstream.

I am anti-racism. Of course, the early Mormon Church was terribly racist, but hey, it is easy to explain away, by saying, “No one ever said that! God was testing us. Or something like that. That’s not in the Book of Mormon! Liar!” No matter what they say, early Church teachings are racist.

I am anti-lima-beans. Please, don’t try to explain away this sorry legume. It will not work with me.

I am anti-teenagers. It is SUCH a relief to know that I am well out of my teen years and thus do not have to be worried about this stance, even though said teenagers will probably protest me in DROVES. Yes, I am well aware I was one of these creatures once. Teenagers, unite! Tell God you think this phase of development is entirely unnecessary, because waking up one day to discover HAIR on your body in certain unmentionable places is NOT pleasant. Also, many of you discover that you are NOT immortal, and if you walk down the middle of a street and a car comes, the car usually wins.

I’m probably anti other stuff, but I can’t remember it now.

And now……

Please forward on this email to HBO, and let them know how ANGRY you are about BIG LOVE. Really. We are all so angry. ANGRY.

(An actual letter forwarded from a Mormon stake)

HBO’s new series, “Big Love”, is about a polygamous family and is set in a Salt Lake City suburb. About the likely impact of this sexually driven show, the New York Times said, “We may never look at Utah and think white bread again.”

Parodies of beliefs of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints occur- belief in priesthood by a man blessing his hunting rifle, belief in personal revelation from the Holy Ghost by dramatic visions that the polygamous leader discusses casually with a friend. Talk of “celestial
kingdom”, “free agency”, and the “Choose the Right” slogan are included. There is a brief disclaimer stating that the polygamists don’t have an active connection with the LDS Church. But if the writers don’t intend for viewers to make the connection, one wonders why they set the show
in Salt Lake City, the Church’s world headquarters, and why they included distortions of LDS beliefs.

NBC recently cancelled a show about a dysfunctional Episcopal priest who saw a “Jesus”, after almost 700,000 people emailed and complained.

Couldn’t we do the same for this show? If you agree, will you:
- forward this email to at least 8 people
- email a polite protest to HBO:

Go to www.hbo.com, scroll to bottom of page, click Contact Us, click on The Sopranos (unless Big Love is listed when you do so), scroll to the light blue box near page bottom, on the line just under Submit an Email,
click on Contact Us.Then enter your information, specify it’s about Big Love, and leave a message asking them to cancel this offensive show.

One or two sentences is all it takes. Or feel free to copy or edit this message:

I am offended that you would produce the series “Big Love”. It demeans and distorts sacred beliefs of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. By setting the show in Salt Lake City, it blurs the line between the Church and the long renounced practice of polygamy. Additionally, it is morally reprehensible to showcase an abusive family situation as entertainment. Please cancel “Big Love” immediately.

I’ve had a lot of people write and ask me what I think about Big Love, HBO’s new series that is causing such a furor in Utah, and a lot of speculation elsewhere in and out of the United States.

Big Love features a polygamous family in the burbs of Salt Lake City, and is very clear that practicing polygamists today are NOT mainstream Mormons.

LDS President Wilford Woodruff issued a “manifesto” in 1890 decreeing that polygamy would no longer be practiced. There was one–and only ONE reason–for this manifesto. Brigham Young was dead, now Utah realized they could not have their own little country and they needed to become a part of the United States, and so they had to finally give in and follow the laws of the land.

Notice this was a manifesto, and NOT a prophecy. Any day now polygamy could start up again, and in fact, it is still believed that polygamy will be practiced in the Celestial Kingdom, the highest of God’s kingdoms, where only true believing Mormons will reside.

I’m always amazed at the angry emails I get from (mostly) young Mormons who have NO idea that this is true. They even argue vehemently against it until I show them proof. Then they shut up and go away.

It is true that today’s Mormons do NOT practice polygamy, and anyone who is caught doing so is excommunicated. But where the hell do they think it CAME FROM IN THE FIRST PLACE? Many of the fundamentalist groups that practice polygamy are actually LIVING THE LDS CHURCH WAY JOSEPH SMITH TAUGHT IT! If you wanted to get technical, you might say they are the “true Mormons” while the others have evolved into a modern-day mainstream church.

But KNOWING that so much of Mormonism’s past is tied into polygamy has made our legislature and leaders go easy on polygamists and polygamy. They are well aware, as happens every time, that whenever you bring up the subject of “polygamy” people start giving funny glances at the Mormons. If you just don’t TALK about it, maybe no one will look into the history.

Right now the Mormons are upset because Tapestry Against Polygamy is pointing a finger squarely at them for not doing more about polygamists and how they abuse the system and treat women, children, and even young boys.

Sorry, but I side squarely with Tapestry.

In an interesting and concluding paragraph in the Des News story, I saw this quote.

HBO Entertainment President Carolyn Strauss said “Big Love” will also draw a clear line between the LDS Church and polygamists.

“I think what the show does very clearly is, it makes a very big distinction between the mainline church and the characters in the show,” Strauss told Deseret Morning News television columnist Scott Pierce. “It is interesting how many people are ignorant about the Mormon Church and think that (it) actually does condone polygamy.”

Guess what, Strauss? In many ways, the Mormon Church DOES condone polygamy. By not stepping out and prosecuting polygamists, what are they doing? I know, I know, if they do it, they have to look uncomfortably at their own seamy past and their relatives, and all that. But Tom Green basically paraded his pedophile tendencies, and his bevy of Barbies, on national television for YEARS and authorities only did something when Utah was vying for the Olympic games.

Utah has ignored polygamy for years.

Now, back to the manifesto of 1890. According to Michael Quinn, esteemed historian, most people agree that the “manifesto” was little more than a tactical maneuver on the part of the LDS Church.

What was the 1890 Manifesto? After the document’s acceptance by the October general conference, the Salt Lake Herald (of which Apostle Heber J. Grant was publisher) editorialized that the anti-Mormon Salt Lake Tribune “pretends the declaration is a revelation . . . although no one to day has heard anyone except the lying sheet say it was a revelation.”

In other words, Mormons were still practicing polygamy well after the “manifesto” was issued.

More from the Quinn article.

Were new plural marriages actually performed after the 1890 Manifesto? In 1907, the First Presidency announced, “When all the circumstances are weighed, the wonder is, not that there have been sporadic cases of plural marriage, but that such cases have been so few.”13 In 1922, Church Historian Joseph Fielding Smith wrote that “some plural marriages had been entered into contrary to the announcement of President Woodruff, and also a statement made by President Lorenzo Snow.”14 Assistant Church Historian B. H. Roberts wrote in the Church’s centennial history that “the injunction of said Manifesto had not been strictly adhered to even by some high officials of the Church of Latter-day Saints and people misled by them.”

The truth of the matter is, polygamy is a very sticky issue even for the Church today. There are no easy answers, which is why they resort to apologists and blustering.

Many Mormons left the US and went to Canada and Mexico, according to the Quinn article.

But in 1947, President George Albert Smith told the general conference that since September 1890, “there have been no plural marriages solemnized in violation of the laws of this land by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.”23 That statement was amplified in 1955 when the Church’s Deseret Book Company published a book endorsed by an apostle, wherein the author stated: “For several years after the Manifesto was issued, however, members of the Church in Mexico and Canada were allowed to practice plural marriages, but later it was discontinued throughout the Church.”

In short, polygamy was around a lot longer than LDS Inc. wants people to think, and it certainly explains why Utah’s leaders have been so loathe to prosecute polygamists.

And so loathe to have shows like Big Love come out.