Hello Trappees, Please give a big TRAPPED welcome to Sheila Curran, the author of Diana Lively is Falling Down. Sheila writes about the pitfalls of motherhood, which, if you are female, and also a mother, you can really relate to. And if you aren’t female and a mother, well, dammit, you should TRY really hard to relate because trying to be a worthwhile, attractive person while cleaning up poop, pee and puke, is really, really hard. Um, sorry. Well, anyway, here is a little bit about the book: 

The writer, Sheila Curran, is a mother, faculty wife, writer and giver of dinner parties. In her career as a trailing spouse, she’s observed the ways in which one’s identity can change and shift, depending on random circumstance and networks of support from family and friends.  Her husband, who is not at all like the villain in this novel, is an accomplished writer, gardener and cook. The couple and their children have lived in England, Arizona, Boston, New York, Chicago, Virginia, Georgia, Florida, and Ohio.  

For your perusing pleasure today, I present a piece of art on the Brokeback Mountain controversy, drawn by my good friend Tim Brinton, a nationally syndicated artist, former Tribune employee, and, like me, a Trappee. In fact, just this week, as he received a “locator” letter sent to his Southern California home, he actually ACCUSED moi of ratting on him. Moi? Can you imagine? I’m not exactly best buds with the Mormon bigwigs.

I suppose it’s entirely possible that Tim supposes that since I cannot get out, NO ONE ELSE should be able to get out, either.

Hey, you know, there is a wonderful twisted logic to that…..

Utah Millionaire Larry Miller, who is the owner of the Utah Jazz, a bunch of car dealerships, and tons of other stuff, including some movie theatres, has found himself in the center of controversy. Miller is many things to Utah, but first and foremost, he is a prominent Mormon.

Apparently, after a Utah radio station called to interview him about the movie Brokeback Mountain, which was scheduled to run in his theatres, Miller discovered the theme of the movie. Up until that point, he was sort of in the closet, er, uh, I mean in the dark, about the movie’s theme. In a short summation, two gay cowboys carry on a 20-year relationship. Miller’s theatre regularly runs slasher flicks, all manner of R-rated movies, and has no policy against blood and guts movies, or sexually explicit movies, but there WILL BE NO GAY COWBOYS IN HIS THEATRE. How does one explain this strange reaction? How does one JUSTIFY running movies where teenagers are gutted and impaled while having premarital sex, but a tender love story between TWO MEN, a story that is garnering kudos, Golden Globe nominations up the proverbial ying yang and more, is NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

It must be the gay cowboys. Because, well doggies, gay cowboys? Whatever is this world coming to? We’ll have none of that gay cowboy shit in Utah. I mean, WHO comes up with this stuff? Everyone knows that cowboys are NEVER gay. Why, the sheer manliness of their profession leads one to surmise that cowboys could NEVER be gay. Rugged and gay generally don’t go hand in hand. Gays are redecorating the world and doing the hair of the stars and–at least in the case of females–winning golf tournaments. At least in stereotype-land. And apparently, that is where MILLER LIVES, along with a good deal of the rest of Utah. Because he thought Brokeback Mountain was about cowboys. Just cowboys. And as we have just discussed, cowboys are NOT gay. Ever. Ever ever.

Well, when Mormon Miller descovered that the fabulous film about cowboys just HAPPENS to be about GAY cowboys, well, that was too much to take. So he pulled the film from his theatres. Without viewing it, of course. Why watch the film and see what it is ACTUALLY about before condemning it? Another thing we are big on in Utah. Condemning things we have not yet seen or read. Happened to me ALL the time with WIVES AND SISTERS. The majority of angry Mormons condemning had NEVER READ IT.

As a result of Miller’s actions, the movie is getting even MORE press, and Utah and Miller are getting even more DAMAGING press.

And much of the United States is embracing the movie. Good for them. And shame on Utah, Larry Miller, and especially Gayle Ruzicka, president of the Eagle Forum, whose only real accomplishment in life, as far as I can see, is populating half this earth with children and walking around with a big stick up her ass.

The majority of homophobia comes from fear. We fear what we don’t understand.

And frankly, pulling Brokeback Mountain from his theatres dumps Larry Miller RIGHT in the middle of the group of the BIGGEST HYPOCRITES IN THE WORLD. Consider what he runs, on a daily basis, at his theatre. The fact he pulled a GAY THEMED movie from the theatre SHOUTS of his bigotry.

Randy Harward, at New West Network, summed it up REALLY well.

“What is worse? Man-on-Man, or Man-On-Granny?” He he.

Ruzicka, meanwhile, told the Deseret News:

“I think it sets an example for all the people in Utah and, like I said before, he’s my new hero,” said Gayle Ruzicka, president of the Utah Eagle Forum. “It’s such a terrible show, and it is such a horrible message. I just think (pulling the show) tells the young people especially that maybe there is something wrong with this show.”

God forbid if Gayle Ruzicka EVER calls me her hero. (I know, I know, it will NEVER happen.) But still, that would be the darkest day of my life. Gee, Gayle, what are the odds you haven’t even SEEN the film? But please, call it horrible. You, after all, in your infinite wisdom-ness, and your Godly calling as the moral THERMOMETER for Utah, KNOW what the rest of us heathens don’t. At this point, I might note that thermometers get stuck up rather unsightly places also, sort of like that STICK that has to be irritating you. No wonder you find people to pick on.

And you apparently have NO clue what young people think, because you just guaranteed that they are going to flock to it EN MASSE just by your statement.

While I enjoy making fun of you and Miller and the rest of the silly idiots, really, you are doing the film a big favor. The press alone will guarantee it’s success. So, perhaps, Gayle, I can send you a copy of WIVES AND SISTERS. It’s guaranteed to get that stick a-wiggling and get you all irritated. Just send me your address….

…at least as far as I am concerned. I was indulging in one of my favorite pasttimes–reading US Weekly magazine for my celeb fix–when I happened upon a QUOTE by Andi! She is too cool for words.

Evidently, she’s become the “go-to” girl when it comes to quotes from moms. Well, hey, I get that. After all, she is the managing editor of Literary Mama, the author of MOTHERSHOCK: LOVING EVERY OTHER MINUTE OF IT, and editor of a bazillion (or so) anthologies.

Here’s Andi’s official bio from her Web site:

Andrea J. Buchanan, managing editor of the online magazine Literary Mama, is a writer living in Philadelphia. She is the author of Mother Shock: Loving Every (Other) Minute of It (Seal Press 2003) and the editor of three anthologies: It’s a Boy: Women Writers on Raising Sons (Seal Press, Nov. 2005); Literary Mama: Reading for the Maternally Inclined (Seal Press, Jan. 2006); and It’s a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters (Seal Press, May 2006). Her work has been featured in The Christian Science Monitor, Parents and Nick Jr. magazines, and in the collections Breeder: Real Life Stories from the New Generation of Mothers (Seal Press, 2001), Your Children Will Raise You: The Joys, Challenges, and Life Lessons of Motherhood (Trumpeter, 2005), The Imperfect Mom: Candid Confessions of Mothers Living in the Real World (Broadway, 2006), and About What Was Lost: 20 Writers on Miscarriage (Plume, 2006). Her syndicated column runs on various websites. Before becoming a mother, Andrea was a classical pianist; she studied at the Boston Conservatory of Music, where she earned her bachelor of music degree, and continued her graduate studies at the San Francisco Conservatory, earning a master’s degree in piano performance. Her last recital was at Carnegie Hall’s Weill Recital Hall, back before she knew how to play the theme from “Elmo’s World.” You can read more about her adventures in motherland in her blog.

She’s on tour right now, so if you get a chance to look her up in your city, I’d recommend you do so. Remember, she is the IT girl…..

Welcome one and all to the new and improved TRAPPED BY THE MORMONS blog, featuring moi, Natalie R. Collins, your trapped host.

Remember, the coffee is hot…er, ah, I mean the POSTUM is hot, the sheets are clean, and you can check out any time you like, but you can NEVER leave.

You are now trapped.

At least the atmosphere is cool. Thanks to Justin at Stonecreek Media for creating it, and giving us all a groovy place to be trapped in.