My Christmas present to you. TWO (count ‘em, TWO) blogs in one day. I know, I know you’re thrilled. But I just had to share this Christmas miracle with you.

My sweet Mormon mother took my girls Christmas shopping the other day, because they wanted to buy gifts for myself and their father, and didn’t want either one of us to see what they bought. Grandma is always good to step in when needed, especially since most of my other siblings have moved away and her apostate daughter (namely moi) is the only one living close. Poor Mom. She’s stuck with me and my offspring–people that do NOT attend God’s ONLY TRUE CHURCH, but rather a Presbyterian Church in the same community. Such an affront.

Now I should state upfront that my mother does not have a dishonest bone in her body. She LIVES her religion solely because she BELIEVES it with all her heart. If she thought for one moment that it wasn’t true, she’d be outta there so fast there’d be a trail of smoke behind her. She is honest to the core.

That did not, however, stop her from ALMOST becoming a criminal. See, she took the kids to Target, and they both found a pair of school pants they wanted, and being a grandma, instead of a mother who says, “No, we are NOT buying that today. Do you think money grows on trees?” she caved and gave in to them. And draped them over her arm, and promptly forgot they were there.

She moved through the checkout line without realizing it. And she paid for the rest of her purchases without realizing it. And the clerk ringing her purchases up did not realize it. And she walked OUT THE FRONT DOOR OF TARGET without any bells, buzzers or whistles going off, and without REALIZING that she had two pair of pants over her arm that she had NOT paid for.

The miracle part is that no one else saw her, the security guards did not stop her, and she was not tackled and handcuffed and questioned by the police.

As they got to the car, she looked down at her arm and saw the two pair of pants draped over it, and almost passed out. It was not a good moment for her. She was mortified.

She told the kids she had just committed a felony. And she immediately headed BACK to the store. Technically, of course, shoplifting is a misdemeanor, but my honest mother would not KNOW this because she doesn’t spend a lot of time in the court system. She’s not real well versed on the technicalities of law. In her mind, shoplifting is almost as bad as murder. Really.

“Are you going to tell them you walked outside with the pants?” my youngest asked her.

“No, I’m just going to pay for them.” And she did. Walked right back in the store, again with no bells and whistles going off or handcuffs going on, and paid for the pants, and left, her heart beating as fast as it could. It’s taken her several days to recover.

I suspect it will take months before she can go into a Target again.

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