Today on Trapped by the Mormons, I’m happy to introduce Megan Crane, author of Everyone Else’s Girl.

I could tell you a little bit about this fascinating book, and the author who wrote it, but I think it’s easier to let her do it.

I wrote the bulk of EVERYONE ELSE’S GIRL while involved in what I like to call an “extended move” from York, England to Los Angeles, which really means I spent six months hidden away in my parents’ attic finishing up my dissertation, something I felt I was unlikely to do once I escaped west.

What, I thought at the time, was more likely to make a grown women revert to her absolute worst than an extended stay right smack in the middle of her adolescence? I knew what that was like, after all. I spent most of my twenties living in short term housing in random cities (four months in Hoboken, NJ, I’m looking at you), student housing (as detailed in my first novel, English As A Second Language - that communal kitchen cured me of being a slob where years of my mother’s tutelage never could), or crammed into my childhood bedroom on the second floor of my parents’ house. Complete with twin beds, rules concerning the use and placement of towels, and all those surround-sound memories of my hideous teen years. And that was just in the bedroom.

I hope you enjoy Meredith’s journey back to the family home!

5 REASONS YOU SHOULD NEVER MOVE BACK HOME WITH YOUR PARENTS
1) No more privacy
2) Having to hear humiliating stories about your childhood
3) High school reunions from hell
4) Forget about dating
5) Watch out, you’ll become your mother!

More about the book:

Advance praise for EVERYONE ELSE’S GIRL:
“Megan Crane rules! Cancel your evening plans: you won’t want to stop reading until you’ve devoured every delicious word.”
—Meg Cabot, author of The Princess Diaries series and Every Boy’s Got One

Megan Crane’s debut novel, English as a Second Language, was a hit when it was published last year, garnering overwhelming buzz and now in its fourth printing. Kirkus called it “an engrossing, intelligent read never lacking in drama or humor,” and author Melissa Senate (The Solomon Sisters Wise Up) hailed it as a “very funny, from-the-heart debut.” Crane’s sophomore effort, EVERYONE ELSE’S GIRL (Warner Books Trade Paperback Original; October 21, 2005; $12.95), is a smart, sassy story about a quintessential “good girl” who discovers she may not be so good after all. EVERYONE ELSE’S GIRL is a welcome addition to the newly minted 5 SPOT imprint launching this fall.

Meredith McKay has gone to a lot of trouble to create the picture-perfect life for herself—far away from her troublesome family, thank you. When her father’s car accident forces her back to her hometown, however, she soon discovers that there’s no running away from family issues—there’s only delaying the inevitable.

Can anyone sort out a lifetime of drama in one hot summer? Throw in a hot guy from back in high school with an axe to grind, a best friend turned enemy turned soon-to-be-sister-in-law, and, of course, the sometimes irritating/sometimes delightful members of her own family, and Meredith is on her way to figuring out that a trip through the past is the best way to move forward.

With one revelation after another coming to light, Meredith must reexamine all the things she’s ever believed, including the truth about herself. Could it be that she isn’t the picture-perfect good girl she always thought she was? EVERYONE ELSE’S GIRL is a funny, poignant reminder that a trip through the past is usually the best –and only – way to move forward.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Megan Crane, author of her debut novel English as a Second Language, is a New Jersey native who graduated from Vassar and received her MA and PhD in literature from the University of York in England. She currently lives in Los Angeles.

Earlier this week I got a comment from a Mormon from Canada, telling me that if you leave the Mormon Church, you should just move on and shut up about it. I’m paraphrasing. You can read the actual comment here. That’s okay. I don’t know much about the poster, except she has a blog about plastic, and somewhere along the line she got pissed, but since SHE came here pissing first, I still don’t know why she took her toys and went home. I was nothing but nice. Okay, maybe not NICE, but I only pointed out fact.

And at that point, she told me I was NOT welcome to come back to her blog and post, which I don’t remember doing in the FIRST place. Damn that Tequila.

Just kidding. I never DID post at her blog. And she came to me. But that’s okay. But now another Canadian blogger, who has her blog listed as a link, and who hates idiots, or so he says, is now sardonically posting comments on my blog. I LOVE these people. Did they figure out a lot of people are reading my blog, and posting THEIR comments will get them hits? Must be. ANNNNywayy, this person is baiting me. Don’t believe it? See his comments below. (Should explain that I mentioned NBC contacted me to help them find someone to tape for a segment they were doing. HE called it lazy journalism. I attempted to explain further. Since his next comment sent off warning bells, I clicked his link, saw that he was linking to Ms. Plastic, and figured the rest out.)

OK your starting to sound a little consiracy theorist happy there.
Sierra

See my comment/answer below:

What the hell is a consiracy? You’re starting to sound a little English-language challenged. A consiracy theorist happy?

Nope, not me. This shit is fact, buddy.

You, obviously, have not visited or lived in Utah. Perhaps you are not aware that this state (Utah) is a theocracy where the legislators regularly consult church authorities before they change the liquor laws. That’s okay. It’s all good.

If they had laxer liquor laws (try saying THAT five times in a row without tripping over your tongue) I would probably be in bed right now, passed out cold, instead of answering your comment!

Is that good or bad? You decide.
Natalie R. Collins

I really should have said, “You MUST mean ‘conspiracy-theory happy.’ Come on, people, if you are going to blog, which is WRITING, language, spelling, and grammar, get it RIGHT. Yes, everyone makes typos, and mistakes, etc., but when you are trying to drive HOME a point, it is LOST when you fuck up the verbiage, or even the cliche, etc. In this case, the cliche, “conspiracy theory,” lost all meaning, since a consiracy is a non-word, and a theorist, would be some type of person.”

Of course, the bottom line truth is, the only reason that I reposted this is because of my tongue twister there. Laxer liquor laws. It has a great ring to it.

Just in time for Halloween, I’ve teamed up with four other writers of suspense to create www.murdershewrites.com, a blog of dubious distinction. Mostly ‘cuz I’m there.

We represent all different types of suspense, which you will figure out pretty quick just from paying a visit.

One thing we all have in common is the body count. See? I said it was timely for the Halloween season….

I was contacted last week by a representative from NBC, who asked me to help them find some good Mormons to follow around for a couple of days, for a segment they were doing on religion in America.

Yes, I do mean THAT NBC, and no, I was not hallucinating.

Not only did they want good Mormons, but they wanted someone preferably in “authority, like a bishop.”

“Um, you do know I’m not their favorite person, right?” I asked.

“Yes, I gathered that from your blog,” the representative said, with a laugh.

“Okay, well, I do know lots of good Mormon families. I’ll line some up for you.”

Now here’s where the funny part comes in. See, most of you, lots of you, assume I hate Mormons. I get hatemail every DAY assuming I hate Mormons, and want to see them portrayed in the worst light.

Wrong. I don’t hate Mormons. I happen to be a wanna-be-ex-Mormon-who-can’t-get-out who finds the tenets ridiculous, and the whole Joseph Smith story ludicrous at best, and sheer fantasy at worst. Much of Mormon culture amuses the GOSH DARN HECK outta me.

But I don’t hate the people. And I don’t think MOST of the people are bad. Are there problems? Yup. Are there problems caused specifically by Church leaders, and the dictates they make? Yup again. Are there benefits? Of course. Do I know some really cool Mormons? Duh! (Sorry. Those teenagers I’m with every day again. They are WARPING my brain.)

So, I set about finding NBC the best gosh-darned Mormons around. And I think I succeeded. Shooting starts tomorrow. The Mormons are alternately excited and nervous.

I first talked to Carly, my best friend’s sister-in-law. She gave me her dad’s phone numbers, but not before asking “Are you setting me up? You hate Mormons.”

Sigh.

I do NOT hate Mormons. I am not setting anyone up. NBC wants good Mormons. If I hated Mormons, I’d find the bad Mormons–and they are OUT there–and have them follow them, but that’s not what they asked for. I’m not that kind of person.

So I talked to Carly’s dad, and he was really cool, and excited about the opportunity, so I gave NBC his phone numbers. And I heard through the grapevine later (Because all I did was FIND the Mormons. My work is down now. They aren’t even promoting my book! How rude.) that the Church okayed it. No surprise there. These are awesome, good, people, who just happen to believe something I find silly. It doesn’t make them BAD people. They are very good people.

And I do NOT hate Mormons!! And I am NOT setting them up.

Sigh. Stay tuned for more Mormons on NBC….

On the news last night, they reported that an employee of a Cabella’s store in Lehi (a town named after a Book of Mormon character) had reportedly spotted fugitive Warren Jeffs.

Jeffs, leader of the polygamist group The Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, went underground several years ago, and has not been seen since, but apparently he is still running the church.

This has led me to surmise, in the past, that he is in the Evil-Dictator-Protection-Program, which is undoubtedly funded by Osama Bin Ladin, and before his unfortunate capture, Saddam Hussein, two other evil dictators gone to ground. However, this spotting in Lehi threw a monkey wrench into that guess. Surely someone running the EDPP would not place an Evil Dictator in a little bedroom community not far from Salt Lake City, where people are bound to recognize his little weenie rat face. And don’t get mad at me for that comment. Look for yourself at the picture above. Jeffs IS a weenie rat face. He looks like he should have a pocket protector with pins, glasses held together with medical tape, and floods up to his shins. I had figured Jeffs was probably hiding out in Boca Raton, wearing bermuda shorts, a “My mother went to Miami and all I got was this lousy shirt” t-shirt, and socks with sandals.
Now, nerds of the world, don’t get upset. You have to admit YOU know what you are, but see, JEFFS does not. He thinks he is God’s Gift to women and young girls–literally. He is reported to have at least 80 “spiritual” wives in addition to his first–and only legal–wife. He also thinks he is God’s gift to men.

Interestingly enough, a Google search found the FBI Web site, where nerdy Jeffs is listed as a Most Wanted Fugitive. I am not kidding. AND the site says Jeffs is suspected of being in Leesburg, Florida, trying to purchase additional land for the FLDS group. I’m sure that’s not far from Boca Raton, which would make MY guess a lot closer than the guy who thinks he saw him in Lehi.

In an effort to save the world from nerdy EDs (have you noticed that ED, short for Evil Dictator, also stands for Erectile Disfunction? Could life GET any better!?) I have included a link to the FBI Web site.

All humor aside, this weenie rat face is a predator, a pedophile, and is reportedly traveling with his own personal goon squad. Kudos to the clerk in Lehi who reported his suspicions to the police. Weirder things have happened. Look at Elizabeth Smart, who was picnicking in Liberty Park in downtown Salt Lake City, just a few miles from her home, while an entire nation was looking for her.