Jesus Loves the Little Children….
My young friend Rand is still writing me, although I’m not sure why. As my friend Jen says, “Do these people not READ your blog? Have they not YET figured it out?” I guess not.
Rand said:
You are just so biast in all your opinions. Tell me a simple truth that completely defies all mormon beliefs, and I will listen to you. By the way, what religion are you?
Oh God. It’s so hard for me when the spelling-challenged try to set me straight. It really is. SURELY if God is solely on your side, he’ll HELP YOU SPELL THE FUCKING WORDS RIGHT. Is it that much to ask?
And frankly, “tell me a simple truth that completely defies all mormon beliefs” is a big order. In fact, it makes not ONE iota of sense to me at all. There isn’t one TRUTH that defies ALL Mormon beliefs. If there was ONE truth it would be easy to tell people, “Hello, you are STUPID. The one truth is YOU ARE WRONG. GOD LOVES YOU. HAVE A NICE DAY.”
I’ve been waiting my entire life to find that ONE TRUE THING. Waiting to get hit by the lightning that will tell me WAKE UP. THIS IS TRUE, DUMBASS.
About five years ago, I discovered there is no ONE TRUE THING. But there are lots of little true things.
For example, if you spend six dollars at a nice carwash, and get that multicolored rainbow wash stuff, it will rain the next day. EVERYONE knows this one.
If your dog eats cat food, he will puke on the floor, and on the bed, and anywhere else he is in the house, but he will never puke once you put him outside.
Popcorn NEVER tastes as good as it smells when someone else is eating it.
Cat hair does not stick to the cat. Instead, cat hair sticks to black pants, blankets, small children’s mouths and food and the dog.
If the dog tries to have sex with the cat, it will not work. Despite the fact you know this, you cannot convince the dog. The dog will continue to try to hump the cat.
These are just a few of the true things in life I have discovered. I’d love to hear some more. So let’s hear them! What are some of the truths YOU’VE discovered???
December 29th, 2006 at 12:11 pm
I discovered that the Mormon church is a lie AFTER I left it. I knew that sometihing wasn’t right, but didn’t have the facts that I have now.
And Jägermeister causes very bad hangovers no matter how small the amount is you drank.
March 28th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Better spelling-challenged than grammar-challenged. “These are just a few of the true THING in life I have discovered…” Darn it, and there you were, so close to being justifiably pompous and condescending.