They’re BAAAACCCCKKKKK….
It’s been a while since I’ve had Mormon hatemail. I’ve even had some Mormon nicemail. Not everybody thinks I’m picking on the Mormons. And, since my book has been out a while, the furor has kind of died away. I’m sure when WIVES AND SISTERS comes out in paperback next April things will fire up again, but for now, it’s relatively quiet.
Every once in a while, though, one slips in and catches me by surprise. I got this lovely missive from Mike Bearnsen. Evidently, Mike is a Saint, and is pissed that I ain’t.
Oh my gosh I have never heard such a terrible hair raising story. You
actually showed up on a ward directory. To think someone actually had the
gall of sending you a birthday card, that must have been hell on earth. I
am sorry. We really don’t care about keeping people on our rolls that
don’t want to be there, their are millions that are ready to accept the truth of
the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Can’t you just FEEL the arrogance seeping through? Condescension is this type of Mormon’s stock in trade. If they make me feel stupid enough, perhaps I will crawl under a rock and not come out, cringing from being ridiculed for my ignorance and petty behavior.
Mike, have you met Stanley Barker? It doesn’t work with me.
First of all, I did not present Trapped by the Mormons as a hair raising story. Rather, it is just a funny little story about how I, all afire and indignant with being forced to be a Mormon when I disagreed so severely with the teachings, had my name removed, only to find that, like the Hotel California, you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.
As for the birthday card, it was just a clue. I just couldn’t figure out WHO was “loving” and “appreciating” me, since I had no memory of EVER meeting them. Boy was I relieved when I discovered I actually had NOT met them, and I was not suffering from an advanced case of early-onset Alzheimer’s.
Are you truly so dense that you cannot understand this is NOT about a birthday card? The card only served to alert me that, despite what LDS Inc. ensured me in a letter, I was STILL on the records, and probably would be until the Second Coming.
See, focusing on the trivial little details as a way of diverting the attention away from the matter at hand may work with Mormons. They are great at that. Just ignore the stuff you don’t want out there, or don’t want to think about (Adam was God? God was once a man? Brigham Young had HOW many wives? Say What? Man, let’s have some more of that potato salad and talk about BYU football), and focus on what DOES work for you.
Now, in many ways, this is a trait I can admire. And I’m seriously addicted to potato salad. But you focusing on the birthday card instead of what is really at the heart of this story–how I REQUESTED that my name be removed, and instead, I found myself CLONED, so they could count me twice–proves how desperately afraid you really are.
It’s that “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain” kind of fear. Mike said:
We really don’t care about keeping people on our rolls that
don’t want to be there, their are millions that are ready to accept the truth of
the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Then why the fuck are you doing it? See, it happened. Saying you don’t care about it doesn’t change the fact it happened, and if it happened to me, I wonder how many others it has happened to? Furthermore, everyone in the know KNOWS the LDS Church is not entirely honest about its membership numbers. If they admit that people are becoming inactive or leaving in droves, they will reveal that people have discovered the man behind the curtain, and they might just tell some of those MILLIONS that are ready to accept the “truth” that it really isn’t truth.
That’s why you really wrote me, isn’t it Mike? That, and the fact you need help with your spelling and word usage and I’m a writer. See, it’s not “their are millions” but “there are millions.” Don’t feel bad. It’s a common mistake.
Next time, use your spell checker.
