I’ve been thinking about my Mormon friend Mandy’s parting shot in her comment to me the other day. She said:

I am truly sorry for your mistakes or those done to you by members of the church, because IT IS TRUE.

I’m wondering a few things. Why in the world is Mandy sorry for my mistakes? And what mistakes is she talking about? I suppose she is presuming, as many Mormons do, that the only reason someone would LEAVE the Church is because they couldn’t live up to its standards.

I’ll have Mandy know that I left emotionally when I was fifteen, and physically (I stopped going because my father couldn’t force me to once I moved out) at eighteen. At that time, I was a virgin who had never tasted alcohol, used illegal drugs, or swam on a Sunday, when the Devil has control of the water (as all good Mormons know). In other words, I did NOT fuck up. I didn’t leave the Church because I couldn’t live up to its standards. I LEFT because it couldn’t live up to MINE. I expect a little basis in fact when I am expected to believe something is the only true thing in life. I have a hard time understanding the whole “burning bosom” concept. That’s heartburn or acid reflux, folks, and they have MEDICINE for that.

I’m also a little curious about the whole IT IS TRUE business. Mandy, does putting the words in caps make it so? Maybe I should throw it back into your face. IT IS NOT TRUE. Now she’ll have to comment again, saying, IT IS TRUE. Pretty soon, my entire blog will be nothing but IT IS TRUE, IT IS NOT, IT IS TRUE, IT IS NOT…. An eternal fight between me and my “sister.”

I think I’ll try something else instead. Let’s see if it works. CONSTANTINE MAROULIS IS THE REAL AMERICAN IDOL. Stay tuned.

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