sigh. Sigh. *SIGH.* It appears that I need to make some clarifications, since certain readers of this blog tend to jump to conclusions. There are a few fallacies that I need to correct, so listen up.

1. I do not hate Mormons.
2. I do not think all Mormons are stupid.
3. I did not have a horrible life, and it is not horrible now.

I don’t really like MormonISM. That would be the belief system, and not the people in it. I find it to be false, and that is after a lot of research. Some people, however, find it easier to take leaps of faith than I do. I like facts. Others rely on feelings. That’s okay, too. It doesn’t mean they are stupid. I didn’t SAY they were stupid. But just because I don’t wax poetic about their religion, they assume I am saying THEY are STUPID. That, in itself, is STUPID.

And I certainly don’t hate MORMONS. I like Mormons. I have lots of good friends who are Mormons. Some, of course, like me, are Mormon just by nature of the fact that THEIR parents were Mormon. Many of those are not really practicing Mormons, and it’s more a cultural thing. Others go to church every Sunday. I tend to irritate those Mormons, just like they irritate me. At least it’s an even exchange.

I did the whole angry ex-Mormon thing, and I’m past it. Of course, that does not mean that I can no longer find humor in living in Utah among the Mormons. People do silly things. It also does not mean that I don’t get irritated by some of the things Mormons do en masse, just because they can.

So, here’s a big hug to all you Mormons. I’m sorry YOU think I think you’re stupid. I don’t. Love ya much. Hugs and kisses. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Today, Monday, February 21, 2005, Here are the numbers.

Book of Mormon #51,617
Wives and Sisters #19,989

I’m winning again. Has anyone else noticed this whole Amazon ranking thing is kind of yoyo-ish? Nonetheless, I will take victory wherever I can find it.

Most of the Mormons who email me comment on how saddened they are by my mocking tone.

“I’m saddened by your angry, mocking criticisms of Mormons,” said Marman bishopric guy.

Another emailer, commenting on the Martha Nibley Beck controversy (you know, she wrote a book and they don’t like it), actually called me Ma’am. Who the fuck you calling Ma’am? Ahem. Sorry for the swearing, but I have a reputation to uphold. I must appear angry, mocking, and very, very sad. With a lot of hate in my heart. Lots of it.

Got sidetracked. Annnnnywayyyy, the writer who made the called me “Ma’am” wrote quite a bit about Martha (just in case you are wondering, he’s siding with Martha’s family on the whole abuse issue), then ended with a small diatribe directed at me.

Sadly, I guess what concerns me most about this article is not Martha Beck, but it is the writer of this article. Ma’am, you seem in distress and angry towards your parents and seem, as so many people in the world do, to be in the state of blaming your present and future on your past, unable to change from the path you are pursuing. I want to tell you that you can change. You can let go of the bad in your life, which in this case, it doesn’t even matter if it is real or not as “perception is reality” and no I’m not saying you weren’t abused, you may have been. What I am saying is that you can let go of those bad things, not forgetting them, but not letting them run your life. You have the right to choose for yourself who you want to be, now more than ever before, and perhaps more than ever again. So please don’t choose to be some bitter person lashing out online. Choose love. Choose Charity. Choose Life.

Huh? Oh for hell’s sake, we have already been through this, haven’t we? This Mormon hate mail is getting tedious. Thanks for the advice, oh Guru of Goodness, but unlike Martha Nibley Beck, I have no contact with Oprah and your sage advice is not going to get you on her show.

You only think I’m bitter because you don’t agree with my position. If, say, I was writing a recipe blog for Mormon women who cannot figure out what to cook tonight, and or writing “faith-promoting” young adult romance novels, you would be writing me fan mail!

Instead, because I point out that I don’t really like Mormonism, don’t believe in it, find patriarchy harmful, and think some of the things that SOME of the Mormons do are stupid, suddenly I’m bitter and lashing out?

LISTEN UP, Bucko. I hate having to repeat myself, but I shall do so until “you people” hear me. (Oh, that felt so good, to call someone else YOU PEOPLE.) If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen. As long as Mormons purport to hold the only true religion, and seek to tell everyone else about it, then Mormons MUST expect to have those who don’t agree say so. It’s our right.

If you don’t want to be written about on blogs, stop trying to convert the world to your religion, which you believe to be the only true religion. The real seekers will find you. Just shut up about it, okay? If you stop talking, everyone else will stop talking. You don’t see people “lashing out” online about the Amish people, do you?

In fact, I think that whole “no technology” stance would be a good one for Mormons to take. It would make it MUCH easier for you to believe that everyone admires your strong Mormon values. And you wouldn’t be so “saddened” and “distressed” about my mocking tone.

I think I’ll suggest that in the next GA board meeting….. Now please excuse me, as I must go to the bathroom and slit my wrists, but not before drinking poison-laced alcohol. This whole bitter, sad, lashing out persona is awfully hard to uphold.

I know I mentioned I get lots of emails and anonymous comments on my blog. You can see them for yourself, if you have the time.

This was from a former “marman” bishopric guy. I can’t be specific what his job was, because he didn’t say.

You say you can’t win with Mormons. I disagree. I’ll tell you how you can win:

Accept that fact that good, sincere people have a heartfelt, genuine, unshakeable faith in the LDS religion that enriches their lives immeasurably. Accept that this faith is often the result of experiences that, whatever you may believe, are defined by those who have them as “spiritual” and are as deeply felt as any human experiences can be.

I don’t mind that you aren’t Mormon, or that you don’t believe Joseph Smith was a prophet. I won’t try to tell you you’re wrong, or deceived, or whatever. I won’t try to tell you you can’t find peace outside the LDS church. You need to make up your own mind about these things. And I respect your decision.

I’m a mamber of a bishopric. I deal with name removals on a regular basis. I wish individuals who leave nothing but peace and happiness in whatever path they take. I am sad that my religious affiliation with them has come to an end when they leave the church, but my feelings shouldn’t be their burden to bear, so I keep them to myself.

It’s my sincere hope that anyone who leaves the LDS church does so with a clear conscience and a sense of peace and relief, knowing that they have made the right decision. And I hope that they bear no ill will toward the church.

I’m saddened by your angry, mocking criticisms of Mormons. If you could let down your guard, you would realize that many Mormons find their religious experiences pure, true, and valuable beyond measure. And you’d understand that your anger and disbelief doesn’t make their religion any less real, beautiful, or meaningful to them. And you’d be happy for them, for the peace that they’ve found, and move on with your life, finding your own peace your own way.

I wish you the best and hope you find happiness. Want to know how you can “win” with the Mormons? Wish us the same.

Dear Marm:

I’m sorry you’re saddened. Really, it is not my wish to sadden you. I know that many Mormons find their religious experiences all of the above things you mentioned. And, as I’ve mentioned MORE THAN ONCE in the past, I would be happy to leave all things Mormon behind. However, since Mormonism is clinging to me with the force of a many-tentacled octopus-like space creature–you know, the kind you see on horror movies–it simply isn’t possible for me to leave it alone.

I would really like to move on, and for the most part, I have. The Mormons around me, however, will not leave me be. They come to my house and leave fliers. They send the missionaries. They try to lure my children into religious activities, under the guise of “not being left out.” They refused my request to remove my name from their records, and created imaginary children for me. They send me videotapes and popcorn and church quotes at Christmas time.

They attempt to control and legislate all the laws in my home state. They are slowly buying up all the land in one of the only cities in Utah–Salt Lake City–where there is not a Mormon majority, in an attempt to take over that place, too. They even bought Main Street in downtown SLC. Crazy, huh?

They send thousands of young people all over the world to tell everyone else the Mormon Church is true, and yet would deny me the opportunity to say I believe it is not true–oh, just like you. Leave it alone?

When the Mormons keep to themselves, in places OTHER than the Mormon Temple, then I shall do the same.

Until then, I shall blog.

I am not currently winning the W&S/BofM race.

Today’s rankings, February 17, 2005, 12:46 p.m., MST:

Wives and Sisters #23,414

Book of Mormon #17,412

I do feel that at this point I must make some clarification for those people emailing me whenever the Book of Mormon goes ahead. Read my lips: I ahm noootttt veeerrrrryyyy seeerrrriooouuuusss heeeeerrrrreee.

Therefore, it does not upset me when the BoM goes ahead. THEREFORE again, emailing me to tell me that the BoM is ahead is okay, but you’re kind of wasting your time. I don’t care.

I KNOW the BoM is going to beat me. As I have mentioned in the past, I do not have a religion full of (at least 500) rabid followers, like the BoM. I know, I know, they say 12 million, but I’ve “sort of” done the math and I’m not buying it.

Since I spend a lot of time on Amazon, and there’s about 500 “testimonies” on there, that’s the number I’m going with.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. Ever since The Salt Lake Tribune panned my book, I’ve sold quite a few copies off Amazon. I’ve considered sending Martin Naparstack a thank you note. And ever since then, my ranking vs. the BoM ranking has not varied much. We’ve both stayed pretty consistent. Which is weird. Are the people buying my book then hopping over to buy the BoM, or vice versa? It boggles the mind….