Just Wait Until Your Father Gets Home!
There is a secret that no one tells you when you are young. When the injustice of parental wrath is showered upon your head, you hear two things over and over: “This hurts me more than it hurts you,” and “You’ll understand when you’re grownup.”
Both of these statements are blatantly false. The reason the first one is false is obvious. Since I’m “mostly” an adult with children of my own, I know this to be true. Spankings are definitely worse on the receiving end. The reason the second one is false is less obvious, so I’ll spell it out for you. The truth is, one is not EVER allowed to grow up. You just become a constipated, wrinkly-faced, dry-skinned, responsibility- and cellulite-laden child.
I know that this not endemic only to Mormonism, since my friend Dej’s mother regularly visits and in the midst of the pandemonium and chaos ends up making Dej feel as though the main reason she visits is to let Dej know just how badly she is failing as a parent and grownup, but since I live Behind the Zion Curtain, I’m writing about my experiences here in Utah.
The reason I’ve been thinking about this is because a lot of the email I receive from Mormons mentions my parents, and the reaction they must have to my vocal musings, since they are so deeply ensconced in Mormonism. One email said this, as a parting shot:
On another note, do your parents read your web page? What do they think about it?
The classic “I’m gonna tell your parents” card. Or “What are you doing to your parents?” Or, as one of my sisters said, “Why are you doing this to Mom and Dad?”
My dad–even now that I am past 40 with two children who roll their eyes at me regularly, a mortgage that I am expected to pay on time once a month, and about six diffent jobs–still uses that parental voice with me. “Natalieeeeeee,” he says, a warning in his voice, when he doesn’t like something I’ve said or done. The only difference is now I can answer back, “Dadddddddddd,” in the same tone. It’s a draw. He can’t win anymore, but I still can’t get away from it.
In answer to my questioning anonymous friend, of course my parents don’t read my Web page, and in particular, this blog. They haven’t read my book, either. I was honest and told them they would not want to read it. They were honest enough to admit that I was right.
They do, however, know my position on these things. So stop threatening to tell my dad.
