Book of Mormon vs. Wives and Sisters–Since Doubleday issued their edition of the Book of Mormon, I’ve been following its Amazon ranking with some interest. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not one of those deluded folks that believe the high Amazon ranking means that customers in droves are logging on, and buying the BoM so they can find the “only true religion.” I know just exactly WHO is buying the BoM and why. I’m pretty sure my parents have logged on to Amazon and bought a copy. The only people BUYING these copies of the BoM are the Mormons themselves.

And why do I think this?

Well, because if you PAY for a copy of the Book of Mormon, and you are NOT a Mormon, you are probably the stupidest person on the face of the earth. You can EASILY get one of these for free. (If you are a collector of religious material, my “stupidest person” comment does not apply to you. Feel free to remove yourself from inclusion in this comment.) They have been giving them away for years! All you have to do is invite the missionaries over, and express interest in the Church. Voila. Free Book of Mormon. Of course, you will also have to feed said missionaries and deflect visits from them for the next ten years, but if you really want something free, it would be worth your time. (Note: this method works well for people who sign up for the timeshare tour so they can get the free night’s stay, or the free small television, or the free whatever-the-hell-they-are-giving-away.)

If you aren’t one of those, and don’t want to be bothered for the rest of your life, you can visit Temple Square in Salt Lake City, and express interest. Voila! Free Book of Mormon. (Note: Best to use fake name and address when registering unless one wants to become one of the people in above paragraph.)

Also, if you are visiting Utah, and staying in a hotel, just open up the side drawer of the bedside table. Voila! Free Book of Mormon. This method is the most surefire way of getting a free copy, without headache or actual Mormon contact. However, unless you are already planning on visiting Utah, I don’t recommend it. Cheaper to buy it on Amazon.

So, now we’ve determined that it’s pretty damn stupid to pay for a copy of a book that has been given away for free, in the millions, for hundreds of years. But someone IS buying it.

Today, at 3:28 p.m., MST, the Amazon BoM ranking is #6,918.

Today, at 3:28 p.m., MST, the Amazon Ranking of W&S is #42,224.

So, who is buying the BoM? The MORMONS of course. This irritates me, because I don’t have my own church to drive MY Amazon ranking up. And it’s not really fair. After all, Joseph Smith Jr. is dead! He isn’t around to see this happen. He can’t appreciate it. (Don’t give me the story about all the dead authors who find fame after their death. Not interested. I want it now.)
Once, about a month and half ago, my book went up to that 6,000 spot—for about an hour. But I had no faithful, unquestioning groupies to continue to buy my book in droves, and thus, my ranking has become a yoyo, caroming around from the hundreds of thousands to the thousands, with no end in sight

As an experiment, I am going to continue to compare my book to Joe’s book, via Amazon ranking. Other than the fact they are both fiction, there aren’t really any other good comparisons. I’ll let you know what happens.

Mormon Hate Mail–Recently, I’ve been having some email discourses with a mystery Mormon. I might have had no idea whether this Mormon is male or female (the AOL header doesn’t give actual names) because all of his posts are unsigned. I found, though, that Outlook Express (which I use sometimes) does, so I know he’s a he.

Since he obviously didn’t mean for his emails to be public, I won’t write his email address, or his name. Rather, I shall assign him a pseudonym, for his own protection, of course.

We will call him Dick.

Dick wrote me to say this: (Important note: All the typos in the message below belong to Dick. And I have not edited or altered his email in any way. Were I to do so, I would be accused of taking his email out of context, or twisting his words. That wouldn’t do. So, you can read his email in its entirety just as he wrote it.)

message: I found your site by chance or misfortune maybe, -I found it all the same. I have read others with feelings for the mormon church and I must say I find your feelings to be rather vindictive in nature. It is with passion and disdain that you speak of the church, yet at times you choose to sugar coat it. Living in Utah, you know several of your statements are blatant exaggerations almost to the extent of complete lies. I am sure you have your reasons, yet I could not find them in your writings- suffice it to say you had issues. I find it humorous that you insinuate the church invents members nd maintains your name on file. I know my uncle had his removed and it is long — long gone. I hope that you live the rest of your live with the passion you have for the Mormon church. For all of its’ fallacies - it is not what you insinuate- not even close. I am curious to know what your issues wih the church were that caused your dissention. Although you appear to be a talented writer, it does appear that your rationale and basis for leaving is not well supported or substantiated. I wonder if something happened that caused these powerful and harsh feelings ?

Now, when I first got this email, I found myself having to read it several times. It really confused me. I was unsure what he was saying. I’ve decided HE was, too. Something about my writing and my Web site upsets him, although he’s not quite sure what. Truthfully, how could he judge my writing by the small amount on my site?

So, he focused on my TRAPPED BY THE MORMONS story. This story recounts my “OFFICIAL” leaving from the LDS Church, and how I suddenly found my name BACK on the records. It all really happened, and none of it is made up, despite what Dick thinks. Although some of what he wrote angered me (I hate being accused of lying, when everything I wrote in that story was factual), I’ve learned it’s kind of dumb to get involved in email exchanges with Mormons. So I wrote something kind of vague and dismissive, and thought that would be that. I should have known better. Here is what I wrote: (Note: I have altered the email below in one way only. I changed the writer’s real name to Dick, to protect his identity.)

Thanks for writing, Dick. Couched in fancy words and language, you are repeating what ex-Mormons have been told from day one. If you leave, it’s because someone made you mad. It CERTAINLY can’t be because you don’t believe it, or disagree with the theology. I disagree with the theology. Everything on my Web site, at least as far as my personal experience, is factual, and can be backed up with proof. As a Mormon, of course, it does not surprise me you took offense. Differing viewpoints are not welcome inside mainstream Mormonism. Surely if Mormonism is so true it can stand up against a critical test.

Dick wrote back: (Again, this email has not been changed, edited, or altered in any way.)

My you are quite the presumptious one aren’t you ? You know what they say about assumptions - you make an ass out of you and umption. - Anyway I did not mean to insinuate that you did anything wrong- Although that is the case in many instances - either someone cannot maintain obedience to say the word of wisdom or law of chastity or they feel slighted or offended by leadership or members of the church. That is not always the case and I did not say that because that was not my intent or point. My point was, as I intended to state, I did not see any logic or rationale for your sudden decision to leave the church and begin to speak out against it. Now that you have stated theology, I would ask for examples. As far as all of your claims having factual backing Iwould openly dispute that as you make claims I find too far fetched to believe and if they did occur, it would be at the expense of an individual- who will answer for those errors one day — but the church philosophy and guidelines do not support your claim as far as my experience goes.

Now, several things about this confuse me.
1) Where does it say I left or decided to leave suddenly? Talk about presumptuous. My leaving took place over a period of time that began when I was 15, and was supposed to end at age 36, when I thought I had my name removed. Nothing sudden about that.
2) He said this: “I wonder if something happened that caused these powerful and harsh feelings ?” I’m not being presumptuous because he made this comment. Something HAD to have happened that gave me these “powerful and harsh” feelings. It couldn’t be that I just disagree with the theology?
3) Why is he “openly disputing” what happened to me? He claims the facts are too far-fetched to believe. What claims? That my name showed back up on the Church records, after I was sent the letter that said it was removed? Far fetched? Tell that to the Mormons who dropped by last night with a Christmas card addressed to me (in my maiden name). I have seen the ward directory, complete with both listings. They know my birthday. Where would they get that? They don’t list that kind of information in the phone book. Nor do they have my children’s names and birthdates in the phone book. And yet the Mormon Church KNOWS who my kids are, and a lady shows up pretty regularly with invitations for my daughter to go to Church. I have talked to a neighbor, a member of the bishopric, who confirmed that indeed my family is listed as members, both under my married name, and under my maiden name, with a mysterious son named Robert, who I appeared to have left on the bus. All this is confirmed. So why is he disputing it?

After discussing these emails with a never-Mormon friend, she suggested maybe Dick really IS just curious. Maybe I should try to discourse openly and honestly with him, and see what happens. Stay tuned.