Christmas Day, 2004—Well, fans (and you are fans, right? Either that, or you are extremely bored and surfing blogs, in which case, WELCOME strangers), today we are going to ponder the strangeness that is the makeup of today’s modern male.

To make this easy (and because I am lazy) we are going to consider one particular modern male, who happens to reside in the same house that I live in. He is a peculiar sort, this male. For example, he is quite gifted with all things electrical and mechnical. He can fix a vehicle with a can of hairspray and a piece of string (Go, McGyver), can perform major surgery with duct tape (man, do men like duct tape), and can fix a Barbie’s decapitated head using means he will not tell me, or else he would have to kill me.

But, for the life of him, he CANNOT put a paper product on the roll to which it is supposed to be attached. Instead, he sets said roll on the counter, as if waiting for it to JUMP up onto the roll, and niftily attach itself to it. This applies to paper towels, as well as toilet paper. Now, I figured out how the paper towel and toilet paper holders worked a long, long time ago. Can someone please explain to me why he cannot?

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